Bad Love | z.d.j

A bad love

ZABDIEL

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Zabdiel found it hard to tear his eyes away from Sophia. His heart squeezed at the sight of her in love with someone that wasn't him. Zabdiel always thought Sophia would be his. That sweet naive girl couldn't possibly fall in love with someone else. But she did and he's to blame.

He wanted to get up and leave every time she stared at him with those eyes. The way she used to look at him. However, there was something slightly different in Sophia's eyes this time and that pierced through him.

Zabdiel couldn't move on from her but he tried. He wanted to be a good father and he wanted his son to have a family. A mom and a dad. He asked Janella to marry him but as much as he tried, he couldn't grasp that love he once felt toward her.

He watched Sophia from a far whenever she was on campus. He saw her gain confidence– become independent and shine. He saw her walk with that boy almost everyday but he was told they weren't dating yet. Yet. Zabdiel silently hoped it would stay that way. Maybe Sophia didn't truly like him because why would she make him wait so long if she liked him?

He understood now. He had really hurt Sophia and she needed to heal.

Zabdiel didn't know when it exactly happened. He never wanted to hurt her. He was drunk and stupid. He couldn't even remember why he was so upset that he decided to completely intoxicate himself. In his drunken state, he saw Sophia. With his clouded mind and almost blinded eyes, he slept with Sophia. The horror he felt when he woke up the next day and saw Janella instead was almost heart attack worthy.

He had to accept that he was extremely selfish when he gave his all to get her back. He realized after how disrespectful it was of him to even try to get her back after being unfaithful.

When Zabdiel saw that boy sleeping on her couch that night, his chest constrained like never before. He found it hard to believe that Sophia had moved on from him. That night in bed, he convinced himself that she did that to push him away. She only wanted Zabdiel to leave her alone and show him that she didn't need him.

However, the more he replayed the scene, the harder it was to forget that hate boiling in her eyes. Every night, he saw her eyes and felt her words stabbing him mercilessly. He decided he would let her go because how can he keep that image of her? Sophia, the sweet loving girl he fell in love with, had to stay that way in his memory.

When Joel told him a few months after that Sophia wasn't dating that guy, Zabdiel was finally able to breathe.

No matter how much it pained him to see her happy with someone else, he told himself he was going to be happy for her. Sophia deserved it.

Before leaving his friends house that night, he caught a glimpse of them inside cleaning the dishes. Sophia's bright smile took his breath away– it's been so long. She giggled before hugging him from behind as he continued to wash the dishes.

Zabdiel's heart truly broke that night but he told himself he deserved it. Sophia deserved a good love: everything he wasn't.

but,

Zabdiel wouldn't be able to love someone as badly as he loved Sophia.