Rafael Barba Oneshots

Secrets

"-is at 11:32 pm that you catch the accused, Roger Carson, compelling miss Reagan out of the coffeeshop and into the alley where he tries to force himself -"

"Take a breath, Barba," (Y/N) teases gruffly, though the tired hand she runs through her face and the incredulous look she gives at her watch make her words sound as more of a complaint. 2:14 am, she was supposed to be home hours ago. Instead, she was stuck with a cranky ADA in his office at early hours of the morning. "We've been through the case at least a hundred times, there's no detail that I don't already know."

"(Y/L/N), as much as I'd like to believe you, so I can go home and sleep," his green eyes are wide with an exhaustion that's not very Barba like, and (Y/N) feels slightly guilty before she thinks it through and realizes that the only thing Barba would be doing back home is even more paperwork. "We've been working this case for two weeks, and we're still tying up loose ends. You're my main witness and if we don't win this, it's my ass on the line."

"Have I ever failed you?" She looks at him with big eyes, those brown eyes he's grown fond of for the past two years, and when he fails to answer, (Y/N) smirks at him from the opposite side of his desk. He sighs defeatedly, avoiding her stare. "You know what, I think we need a drink."

"I think I need a vacation" he pouts subtly, sarcasm dripping from his tone. Rafael gazes as she rolls her eyes and stands up towards his fridge, making herself at home in his office and serving two glasses of scotch.

"A drink," she corrects him, handing him the so welcomed alcohol. Rafael feels his muscles relax as the cold liquid burns down his throat. He closes his eyes, leans his head against the chair he has had to call home more times that he'd like to count. "I don't think I've ever seen you so worked up over a case before."

"Believe it or not, this is the first time my boss has threatened to fire me if we don't win over the jury at the first round," he rubs at his temples while glancing at the multiple papers on top of his desk, huffing annoyedly like a child. "Also, it's hard not to get worked up when a rapist might be thrown back into the streets if our case isn't strong enough."

"Buchanan sure would throw a party out of it," she jokes, and feels something swell in her chest when Rafael chuckles at her dark humor. Her small smile fades, and serious air takes over. "If anyone can pull this off, it's you. If you put Yates in jail by just letting him open his dumbass mouth, I bet you can do anything."

He twirls his glass in his hand before (Y/N) leans and serves him another shot. He raises it and bumps her own as silent thanks. "You wanna know a secret?" The taunt in his voice makes (Y/N) feel almost childish as she nods her head eagerly. He sighs. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'm actually doing any good here. Putting victims through their trauma over and over again while giving rapists and murderers the benefit of the doubt. And- and then failing to bring those cabrones to justice. It just... It makes all the trouble I went through to become a lawyer seem... useless."

He laughs, but it holds no humor and (Y/N)'s heart is left breaking at the sound, staring at the man who she for so long has seen as unbreakable, while all this time he'd been hiding his insecurities in fear of seeming weak. There's a morbid silence between them for a couple of seconds, and Rafael starts mentally scolding himself because of course you'd screw this up, too. Leave it to you and your big mouth to scare off the woman you-

"Wanna know a secret?" Her voice is unexpectedly quiet as the words leave her throat and Rafael's heart is almost bursting out of his chest with anticipation. When he doesn't answer, (Y/N) continues. "I think you don't give yourself enough credit."

Something like disappointment surges on Barba's chest, and he rolls his eyes as he makes it out to be a taunting comment at his insecurities, building the walls (Y/L/N) had managed to break down in their time working close together back up.

"No, Barba-" she reaches to grasp the sleeve of his shirt as he stands up, probably for another drink, and almost lets go due the cold look his eyes convey when he looks back at her. She gulps in fear but stands her ground, tightening her grip. "Listen to me. I think that you're the best damned ADA I've ever known and an even better man. Yet, I think you're stupid for letting yourself think that you might be any less than that."

The counselor scoffs, but other than that he gives no reaction to (Y/N)'s words, though he doesn't try to get away from her or the conversation. His silence encourages the detective to continue. "You don't realize how important your job is. Sure, we catch the bad guys, but if you weren't there to put them away, they would be out of jail in less than a day. That's all you, Rafa. You're as much of a hero as we are, if not a greater one. You're amazing, I know you are."

Rafael refuses to give any kind of vocal answer to the kind words that are making his skin break into goosebumps, but his hand slips smoothly into (Y/N)'s so she's not holding onto his shirt any more, and he squeezes tightly. His eyes are the most vulnerable the younger woman's ever seen them, the harsh and piercing green melted into something soft that (Y/N) can't help but adore.

"I think you're so amazing. So, so great," (Y/N) is breathless by now, voice lowered into a whisper that makes Barba feel like her words are intimate, meant only for him. She stands up so they're face to face, nose to nose, and they're still gripping each other's hands when his eyes drift momentarily to her lips as she wets them, Rafael expectant of what more she has to say. The last thought that crosses her mind before she speaks is now or never. "I think... I think I'm in love with you, and that terrifies me."

There's another moment of silence as (Y/N) feels uncertainty wash over her like a tidal wave, and stands frozen in Rafael's office as his eyes travel to her throat when she gulps and back to her eyes. He slowly jerks his hand from hers, and (Y/N) looks away to hide her disappointment and embarrassment. The detective tries to take a step back, already forming a shitty excuse in her head so she could go home and drink until the moment of his rejection left her memory at least for the night-

And then Rafael's stepping up, closer, his hand lingering on her skin as instead of letting go his touch is raising upwards her arm, his fingertips leaving a trail of goosebumps behind them. (Y/N)'s breath hitches at the electric touch that eventually settles against her cheek, gentle and grounding and there all at the same time, and she wonders if that's how being loved back feels like.

But that feeling of his hands on her is nothing like the touch of his mouth on hers, (Y/N) decides. There's something about his kiss that makes up for those insufferable hours of paperwork and years up of pent up tension between them, in the same way that Rafael feels like her skin against his is the most relieving method for his insecurities he can find.

That night, against his better judgement, Rafael allows himself to fall. In love and into the arms of the woman he's been longing for during two long years, case be damned. He falls and falls and he's completely certain that with (Y/N) in his life he will never really stop falling.