iMeet Cute | ✓

↺ 008 : pool boys & dying doggies

Talia arched a brow. "Technically, we are supposed to, but they aren't important. They're not going to be graded, so you don't necessarily have to, I guess," she told me. "It depends on the person. And no, I don't plan on turning mine in either."

Her words, more specifically, the last ones, shooed away all my worry. If a smarty-pants like her wasn't going to turn in an assignment, why did I need to?

"Wait. Are you just saying that to trick me into not doing it?"

She frowned. "No, of course not. Why would I do that?"

I threw my hands up. "I don't know, probably because you're one of those smartasses who want to be at the top of anything so you'll sabotage us ... underachievers."

Talia sat straighter, watching me with keen eyes. I'd probably said too much, but I couldn't blame myself. I didn't want to be here having tasteless coffee with an uptight black girl. What I wanted was for CJ to be not mad at me and for Leah to pull one of her surprises and show up at my dorm, or for August to apologize for everything he'd done, or for Colin to fucking tell me he didn't hate me for what I said to him.

"You know what, nevermind. This is on me. I'm overreacting. I'm in the wrong state of mind. I shouldn't be here. I'm leaving." I grabbed a handful of paper and folded it in two, then shoved it inside my bookbag, muttering under my breath.

This was what it was like to lose it, I thought. To want everything and nothing at all. Maybe I should drop out. It's only been a few months ... I could come back next year?

A sigh passed my lips. My bag was in my lap, waiting for me to fill it with more school related paperwork. I propped my head up on my hands, fingers tangled in my hair, the poster picture of frustration, and for what? A stupid degree?

"Lenny?"

I didn't answer. I was too focused on keeping my breathing even. I was too focused on actually breathing. My head was swarmed with thoughts, and I didn't know what to do. What hurt most about this was that August always knew what to do. That was the problem. He was too good to me, too, too good, that I didn't see his faults.

So I found myself thinking, what would August do?

"Lenny!"

"What?" I bit back through gritted teeth, frowning so hard I thought my facial muscles would freeze in that position forever. "What is it?"

Talia shrugged. "You're being weird. Is it the coffee?" She peered into my cup of cold foam. "Is it me?"

Slowly, I raised my head to meet her eyes. Some might say I did it to add to the drama, but I really did it because a headache was starting to form somewhere up there, and I didn't want to accidentally cause it to spread more rapidly with any jolting movements. I could only handle so much.

"No. It's not you."

• • •

YESTERDAY WAS EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING, AND CJ was in fact, still mad at me even though it should have very well been the other way around, but what can I say? I'm very forgiving, unlike the hard-ass I happen to share my living space with.

In other news, I was completely swamped with schoolwork, and that was why I was at the pool in nothing but a pair of old loose shorts and a white satin jacket with a two-piece underneath. I was aware of just how cold nights could get, but maybe I didn't care so much about having my ass freeze off. Maybe I didn't care so much about anything at all.

My carry-on hit the ground with a soft thud. I lowered myself onto the ground next to it, using it as a headrest for the time being. Once again, I'd successfully snuck into the pool after hours, and once again, the feeling of excitement (read: adrenaline rush) had evaded me. I needed a new challenge. I needed to try out again. I needed to test myself. I needed to do something drastic.