Shut your mouth

Chapter 1

'I'm not supposed to be here.'

Sebastian whispered under his breath while lowering to his knees. He held the flowers in his hands, not caring that one thorn was pricking into his skin. He deserved it.

He held onto the flowers harder, feeling the thorn go further into his skin. Sebastian looked at the flowers. They were red roses. Red roses the flowers of love. He scoffed, if he knew one thing that was that this person didn't love him one bit. He didn't understand why they didn't. they should have loved him. How sick of a person was he that his own mother didn't love him? How inhuman he must be for his own mother to not give a shit about him. And now it is too late to change that. To make his mother love him.

He put the flowers on the ground, flinching when the thorn pulled out of his hand. He looked at his hand, seeing the red blood drip down his hand on the grass. He closed his hand preventing the blood from dripping. Sebasian looked up from the grass towards the grave.

Beloved wife and mother

Sebastian couldn't help but scoff again. He is the reason why she is dead. He isn't supposed to be here. He shouldn't even be here, he should hate her. She hated him so why shouldn't he hate her. Why is he here putting red roses on her grave, when he should not even care that she is there? It is his own fault, isn't it? She made it clear that he was the reason why she is six feet under. His own father reminds him of it every day. Sebastian felt his frustration grow. He didn't know who he was frustrated at. His mother? His father? Himself? He should have hated his mother, but he knew deep inside of him that he misses her. Was he that unlovable that his own mother didn't even love him. Well, what did he expect? Everyone reminded him constantly that he was the bad guy. He shouldn't feel bad for himself. He has no right to pity himself. He has no right to wish for the life where he was the beloved son.

With that Sebastian stood up, slapping the imaginary dust of his pants. He looked back once at the grave. He doesn't even know why he came here. This is the first time since she had died that he bothered to visit her. He bet that she doesn't even want him to visit. She would probably turn in her grave when she found out that he was there. And leaving red roses. The fucking flowers of love. He didn't even know why he got red roses. He knew it was her favourite, but did he really care that much that even after her death he wanted to please her. That is the least he can do, it is his fault that she is there. So if she wanted red roses on her otherwise forgotten, empty grave he would get her red roses.

-

Sebastian signed and walked back to his car. He didn't want to go home yet, so he decided to get some coffee from Lima Bean. He got into the car and turned on the radio. He pulled a disgusting face hearing a pop song that was literal shit. How is it that repeating the same sentence over and over is called music now? He changed stations but then decided it was a lost cause and just turned it off.

After riding in silence for 10 minutes, trying not to think about anything in his life especially his mother. He parked his car and entered Lima Bean. He waited in the line behind two girls, who were ordering two drinks that would probably give you diabetes if you drank one sip. Like seriously who needed that much sugar. He rolled his eyes when the girls started taking pictures of their overpriced, diabetes filled drinks.

He looked up and saw it was a new barista he had never seen before. Slightly frustrated because this person didn't know his usual order, so he had to talk more than usual. He stepped forward, and the new barista flashed him a smile that he thinks was supposed to be flirtatious, but was failing miserably. Sebastian chose to ignore it and ordered his large coffee with soya milk in it. The barista made it for him after he had paid for it. She handed him the cup and with a smile she said: