Life or Death - Tommyinnit Angst

- Chapter One -

Thoughts are wrote like this.

TW: Cutting, Self hatred, Blood, Suicidal Thoughts

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Tommy's POV:

I woke up still tired. I didn't have the energy to get up so I just sat there. After a while I heard my phone buzz. When I looked it was Wilbur telling me to get into VC 1. I sighed before getting up and opening discord on my computer. I clicked on the Dream SMP discord server. When I looked to the VCs, around ten members were in VC 1. I groaned and joined the call.

"-aiting for Tommy and then we can start." I heard Dream say when I joined. "Well I'm here now." I chuckled. "Oh. Okay then." he said. "I was thinking that we could all have a big meet up! I would pay of course." Everyone agreed but Ranboo, Tubbo, and I. "Oh, Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, you guys should go ask your parents." Dream said once everyone else agreed. "Oh, yeah. I'll be right back." I said before muting and sitting up. I stretched my arms and opened my door.

I reluctantly walked down stairs and tapped my mother on the shoulder. "Hey mom, can I go to a meet up with my YouTube friends? Dream is paying for the plane tickets." I muttered the last part. She looked up and I could see her blue ocean eyes. "Of course sweetie! Just make sure your staying safe and healthy." She looked kind of worried.. I thanked her before running back up to my room and putting on my persona.

"GUYS MY MOM SAID I COULD GO!!!" I yelled. "Sheesh, no need to be so loud Tommy." Phil said. Frick.. They probably think I'm stupid. Maybe they won't let me go now.. "Tommy..?" Wilbur said. "O-oh! Sorry guys, I zoned out." "It's fine I guess?" Wilbur seemed worried and he could definatly tell that Phil upset me. Lucky for me he didn't say anything. 

"Okay the meetup is in two days. It will be in Florida and we can stay at a house that I'll rent." Dream said. "I'll pick you and Tubbo up." Wilbur said to me. "Alright." People said their goodbyes and everyone left. Finally.

I took off my headphones and looked around my desk. There were plates right out of shot of my camara. My trash can was starting to spill onto the floor. I turned my head to my bed. The blankets and pillows were on the floor and the nightstand had a bunch of trash on it. I really am a slob.. I went down stairs and grabbed the trash bags. When I got back to my room I started on getting all of the trash on my nightstand cleaned up. I continued to clean for a while before I realized I had to stream.

I grabbed a black and red hoodie from my closet and some shorts. I hurried to my bathroom and quickly got changed. When I was done I looked at myself in the mirror. Ugly. I grabbed my brush and undid the tangles in my curly blond hair. After I had finished I stared into my mirror again. Mistake. You should be dead! I took out my razer. I noticed my hands shaking.

⚠ TW  ⚠

I raked it across my skin and watched the blood flow. I did it a few more times before rinsing my arm under the sink.

⚠ TW OVER ⚠

I opened the cabinet and took out the bandages. Then I wrapped my arm and pulled down my hoodie sleeves. I hid my razor back in the drawer and walked back to my room. I got everything set up and my mouse hovered over the 'Go Live' button. Do I really need to stream..? I sighed and decided I should. My mouse clicked.

"Hey guys! Today we are going to be doing a chill stream." I started looking through chat.

RANDON_User_ONE: CHILL STREAM POG!

I smiled and talked with chat for a bit. It was all fun until I saw one message.

!JerkFack200!?: Ur so ugly and mean. I bet your friends don't even like you. They probably are just putting up with you for content and to be nice.

Am I mean..? Yeah you suck! I sat there for a minute. 

"Okay guys! Today was fun but I have to go now. Have an amazing day everyone!" I said before ending stream. I hate myself.. I

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Thanks for reading everyone! Remember you are loved and mean so much to so many people. Stay safe! <3