𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄 | 𝟏𝟖+

9 || urges

        "Okay," he quipped. 

        James stood still in the bathroom for a while longer before he made his way into the kitchen, calming himself and his member before doing something he might regret. His vulgar thoughts would to wait until tonight when she was sleeping - he couldn't handle being interrupted like that again. It was taking a lot of strength to not lose his mind now. 

        The kitchen smelled of eggs as he walked into the room, watching as Amelia placed two plates down onto the island. Her hair was perfectly straight, flowing down to the middle of her back, quite different from the waves he was used to seeing. Her jeans and yellow, knit sweater covered all of the gorgeous parts of her skin today.

        "I made some omelets," she announced with a half-amiable smile. 

        "No pasta?" 

        "Sarcasm again," Amelia noted as she pursed her lips. "I'll take it."

        It was moments like these that made James forget that he was originally trying to force her out in the first place. Their short, simple dialogue to each other was something he, embarrassingly, started to look forward to. It was so normal to make small talk with Amelia. He craved the feeling of normalcy, the feeling of not being treated as the asshole he was. 

        But he knew that things could never be normal. He had his nightmares to remind him of that. 

        Needless to say, her omelettes were delicious. Frankly, everything she cooked tasted good, but he would never admit that to her. He would simply toy with her about her taste for pasta almost everyday, even if he loved the taste of it every time. 

        "Your meeting is tomorrow." More of a statement than a question. 

        "It is," she concluded, stabbing her fork into a piece of egg that she separated from the rest of the omelette. 

        "So, what do you do? Read them a report about me, talk about my behavior, come back down here again?" He couldn't help but feel a little curious as to what would occur during her meeting with Steve, Tony, and Nick. He wanted to know without having to ask. 

        "I'll tell them about any progress you've made, what treatment plan I've decided on, and then yes, I come back down here with you," she stated coolly. 

        "Hmm." 

        James pondered about what kind of progress she felt that she had made with him, if any. If anything, she got to have a front row seat to the chaos that was his mind, which didn't seem capable of showing progress. What would Steve think about his progress? 

        James missed his friend. He knew the way that he acted when others were around seemed absurd, crazy, even. These were the necessary measures he had to take in order to keep them a safe distance away. He didn't need anyone to get too close - especially if he had his memories wiped again. There was no point in hurting anyone else in the process. 

        "You're worried," she assumed casually. 

         "No," he shot back gruffly. "But ... should I be?" 

         "What do you think?" 

        "Forget it," he grumbled, shoving the last piece of his breakfast into his mouth before jumping up from his seat to place his plate in the sink. He didn't want her to know that he actually was very worried about the meeting. It's not like his sole purpose was to make sure that everyone despised him. 

        This was the constant battle that he had with himself every single day in his brain. He wanted to do better, but then his mind told him that there was no point if there was a chance he wouldn't even remember later. He wanted to let his old best friend in, but he didn't want to lose him again. Steve mentioned that there was no chance of Hydra ever getting their hands on James again, but what happened if he decided to believe that and then they did get their hands on him again? It was hard being so fucked up. 

        James started to shuffle back to the confinements of his room, but his feet didn't move. Instead, he turned his body to face Amelia, who was hesitantly looking at him to see what his next decision would be. 

        "Amelia?"

        This was the first time he'd ever said her name out loud. 

        She looked pleasantly surprised. 

        "Yes?" 

        "Even if you think that I've been too difficult to make progress, can you lie tomorrow? Can you lie to Steve?" he whispered awkwardly, fighting the urge to break eye contact and look down at the ground. 

        Her lips curved into the biggest smile he'd ever seen her do. A rare sight. He wanted to see her smile like that all of the time. 

        "I won't have to."