The Replay ✓

{epilogue}

Finn tied the tie awkwardly as he looked at himself in the mirror.

More than a week had passed but still he couldn't look anyone right in the eyes in fear that they would blame him for what happened. And he knew that he wouldn't be able to handle that.

"Are you ready, Finneas?" asked his mom and he nodded.

She was keeping a close eye on him the entire week and sometimes checked on him in the middle of the night. He knew that she thought he didn't see it, but he noticed it almost immediately.

The newfound attention completely changed the relationship they had and Finn didn't know how to feel about it. He wasn't sure if he hated it or loved it, all he knew is that he was happy that there was someone in his life again.

Since Charlie wasn't there anymore...

"Let's go," he said and they walk out together.

She tried to get him to drive there the whole week, but he just wouldn't sit into a car. He just wouldn't get on a bike either. Which meant that they had to walk the entire way there.

Safe to say that Finn's mom wasn't happy with it, but she knew better than to try to get him to sit into the car. 

They walked for a long time, but in the end they finally came there.

The graveyard was filled with people but completely silent.

Charlie's family was standing there, tears in all their eyes. There was a small crowd surrounding them, all looking at them with pity in their eyes.

It took a while for the courage to finally build up, but at some point Finn finally walked up to Charlie's father and stretched out his hand. They shook hands and Finn let out a soft, "I'm sorry for your loss."

The man nodded. "Thank you, son."

The last word resonnated through the air and Finn shivered a little.

I will never be as good as your son, he wanted to say, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he just lowered his eyes and moved on to Charlie's mother.

She was sobbing like crazy and immediately threw her arms around Finn. "He cared for you so much. He talked about you all the time, and I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry for your loss, Ms. He was an amazing person and we are all going to miss him."

Charlie's mother nodded and Finn walked back to his mom who stared at him, her hands crossed on her chest.

Watching the body lower into the dirt was a lot sadder this time around. Finn cried the first time, but he stayed completely silent this time around.

He wasn't sure how to act and he felt as if everyone was looking at him, hoping that it could've been him inside that casket and not Charlie.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, but nobody heard him. "I'm sorry, Charlie."

And so Charlie's body disappeared from his view.

Which was when the painful realization that he would never see him again finally hit Finn.

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Graduation happened as expected. Nobody was truly happy about graduating, they were all just happy that they could leave the school behind them, possibly leave the memory of Charlie behind as well.

Brett and Audrey didn't say anything to Finn after it happened, but they didn't need to.

Finn knew that if they were to say anything, they would blame him and he didn't need that. He already blamed himself enough.

When the principal handed him the diploma, Finn smiled faintly at him. He wanted to at least pretend to be happy, but he wasn't.

There were so many eyes on him and he knew that so many of them judged him. So many of them blamed him for what happened.

Finneas tried to push back the tears, tried to make it seem as if he was having the time of his life, finally graduating school and ready to go on to college, but he knew that he wasn't fooling anyone.

Anyone that really knew him could tell that he wasn't happy at all.

----------

It was the day Finn was waiting for anxiously.

He wanted to wake up and for his mom to tell him that she was driving him to school, because it was the first day. He wanted to be confused because Audrey hadn't shaved her head yet. He wanted to feel the confusion of Brett kissing him again. And most of all, he just wanted to see Charlie again.

He just wanted to look into his eyes again and make him smile. But for some reason, the alarm didn't ring at the good time. It didn't ring at all.

It was raining heavily outside, not like it did on the first day of his senior year.

And so, he hurried downstairs. He checked his phone on the way and the date was what he somehow knew it would be.

"You're already up," pointed out his mom as she turned on the toaster. "I thought you would want to sleep a bit later. It's the holidays after all. It was a hard year for you and you deserve to rest."

Finn was speechless. He knew that there was no way he could get lucky enough to redo everything. To relive the simultaneously worst and best year of his life and to see Charlie again.

He hurried downstairs and sat down on the couch.

The TV wasn't turned on, but he didn't need it to be. He remembered the time they played games down there, happy together.

He remembered when they kissed.

He remembered the way all worries disappeared when he was with him.

He remembered feeling happier than ever.

And so thetears started to flow. He tried to stop them, but he just couldn't.

He knew that even if he tried to stop himself, he would end up crying a river for Charlie.