Altered

Thirty: Understanding

Charlotte said the words before she had time to rethink. "Can you help me control my alteration?" She was trusting in Ethan Jansen's recommendation.

James glanced up, his green eyes appraising her doubtfully. "I thought you said you couldn't".

"I probably can't, but in the exhibition you said you had struggled to control yours and well maybe you can find a way. And Ethan said you might have some ideas..."

"Why are you suddenly interested?" he asked.

"If I don't I am as good as dead," she whispered. "I will have to use it in the games". That was all true, but she was also curious to see if what Desmarais had said was true. If she could just control it, she might be able to make it stronger, figure out different uses for it. "I could kill you though".

"Well, I nearly killed you... so we can call it even, if you try," he whispered, a smile on his lips.

"James?" Charlotte breathed, staring distractedly at her hands. "I overheard Desmarais earlier and he had been talking to Elmhirst. He said that this might remind us of to stay in line and reintroduce us to what broke us in the first place. Do you have any idea what he meant?" James was silent for a few moments, his face blank before he shrugged and smiled.

"I have no idea," he sighed, though his eyes were clouded. "Elmhirst has notions about people. I wouldn't think too deeply about them". He shifted uneasily, resting his head back against the pillow awkwardly for a moment. His breathing had become a little more laboured. He tried to move, but grunted uncomfortably, returning to the way he had been.

"Do you want any help?" Charlotte asked.

"I need to sit up a little. I feel really uncomfortable," he complained. Charlotte stood. Gently she pulled the pillows from behind his head, setting them up so he could sit against them. Cautiously, she pulled him into a sitting position. He gasped at the movement, but didn't complain. Gently, he shuffled backwards, with Charlotte's help, until he was resting against the pillows. "Thanks," he muttered, but Charlotte only half heard him. She was staring at the bandages wrapped around his chest. He regarded her warily.

"What happened?" Charlotte whispered, her voice catching in her throat.

He gritted his jaw, looking down at his chest. "I broke some ribs," he said slowly, his tone a little dismissive.

Charlotte's stomach knotted with guilt. "I'm sorry," she breathed.

"It wasn't your fault, Charlotte," James replied. "I fell in the detention room when they attacked".

Charlotte didn't believe him. She knew the truth. It was all her fault. "The fire isn't real, but if you fight back, stand up, move, the fall when the phantom flames hit does the most damage," she said robotically. "Was that your first time in there?" she asked, not looking away from the damage he had suffered.

"On that side," he grunted, tugging the blankets over the bandages so Charlotte had to look away.

"What do you mean on that side?" she asked, looking at him with a frown.

"I had to watch once..." he said tightly. His stare glazed over as he relived the memory. "I had managed to avoid it since then, but..."

"... then you became my collateral," Charlotte finished shortly.

"Have they ever made you watch before?" he asked.

"No - and I couldn't see you, I could just hear... I just knew," she muttered.

"I thought with O'Connell..." he trailed off.

"Ian isn't bad. He just sees things differently," she said slowly. "He doesn't care... or he cares too much. It's hard to know sometimes". James nodded, though his expression was doubtful. "Who did they make you watch?"

He paused, gritting his jaw. His eyes clouded and his lips pulled into a thin, worried line. "Somebody I knew once," he said evasively. "It doesn't matter," he shook his head, as if trying to forget the memory. "She's gone".

"You mean... Forgotten?" Charlotte asked cautiously.

"No," he replied, but did not offer any more. It was obvious he was done talking about it. Charlotte wondered if they had killed her. She couldn't remember any of them dying or disappearing. Surely, even if they were young, she would remember, unless she hadn't made it through the alteration process. Charlotte frowned.

"I've been in there loads of times," she said slowly.

"I know".

Charlotte watched him, but a sullenness had descended on him. His jaw remained gritted and his eyes clouded. She wondered what was bothering him so much, the inner monster raising its head, offering to find out. Charlotte pressed her eyes together, willing that part of her to stay quiet. It lashed out at her weakly, as if scolding her for stopping its fun. A dull ache echoed through her head, but it was easily ignored, for once.

"You have to stay lying. I don't move at all anymore. I think it frustrates them more, because it looks like it doesn't hurt," she whispered, playing with the corner of the blanket. "Though I haven't managed to control the screams," she muttered, almost disappointed in herself. When she looked at James, he was glaring at her incredulously, but he didn't speak. Charlotte looked away, her cheeks burning under his gaze.

"Maybe you should just stay out of trouble in the first place," he said tightly, but Charlotte began to laugh. He watched her with clouded eyes, unable to see the funny side.

"I don't get a choice anymore," she laughed. "James I am offender number one, or maybe number two, I don't know - it is tough competition with Ian. I could sneeze and be sent to detention. Do you honestly think I have been in the wrong all those times?" He stared at her, warily. "You were punished because I stood up for Jun Lin," she said disbelievingly.

"I was punished because you don't listen," he snapped, but then frowned, his face softening somewhat, as he saw the effect his words had on her. She seemed to cower before him, shrinking visibly back in the seat, her fists clenching, her cheeks blushing. "I didn't mean... I just... Elmhirst needs to break you. He needs to think you have lost your fight so you can be a mindless weapon he can sell to the patrons. Helping Jun showed you have compassion and will power. He hates those traits, because they make his product vulnerable. You need to be a machine... play the game. He has tried breaking you so many times, but it has never worked. You would just return with more fight. He is trying to use your compassion to make you behave. If you think your faults will bring punishment on your friends you will submit to his authority. Won't you?" he asked, his voice strained.

"Yes," she sighed reluctantly, not looking at him at all.

"He knows that. You need to control your emotions, especially your temper," he warned. "We can only win this game by convincing him we are the submissive students he dreams we are, and by using that against him," he explained. Charlotte regarded him uneasily. What he was saying went against everything she believed in, but she knew she was left with no other choice.

"I will try," she exhaled reluctantly.

"Trust me, Charlotte and for once, do what he wants you to do".

If you enjoyed this chapter, please don't forget to vote and comment. All feedback is greatly appreciated :) Thanks so much for reading!!