The Hours We Have

chapter twenty-three

The nightmares in my head only came to life when I was sleeping, and I hated it. When I first had them, I didn't sleep because I was scared to, but I eventually had to commit to a sleep schedule when I got a job. Even if just for a few hours, and I had been lucky lately with having dreamless nights, but something triggered my nightmares again. 

I didn't even have to guess what it was. I knew exactly what had, and then it just mixed into my fear of Roman getting himself hurt. I let go of Finley for a second to turn on my bedside lamp, and then I laced my fingers through his fur to make sure I wasn't alone. 

I had to admit, Finley was helping me in so many ways. Usually, I would have woken up and dived right for my corner to find a feeling of safety enough to calm down. But, Finley was there, and he seemed to know exactly what I needed. He was practically on top of me, his bodyweight warm and keeping me grounded to reality. 

Suddenly, I felt that fear all over again. I needed to check on Roman, was he safe? I leaped out of bed, alarming Finley who charged after me while I entered the dark hallway of the house. I knew exactly where Roman's room was and I opened the door. 

I saw him. He was alive and safe. His sleeping form on the bed calmed my heart. God, I was more shaken up than I cared to admit. What if dreams became a reality? What if something bad was going to happen? I hated that I had agreed to keep his stupid secret, it wasn't a game, especially with his life. 

When I was sure Roman was fine, I closed his door quietly and returned to my own room. Finley trailed after me the entire time, refusing to leave my side for even a moment, and I slowly crawled back onto my bed. Finley laid his head across my lap and sighed. I ran my fingers through his fur. 

I didn't sleep the rest of the night. 

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Before the dawn broke, I had buried myself in college work. It was the only way I kept my mind occupied and I didn't work at the restaurant until tomorrow morning. I finished the last of my essay that I had started at four am, and then stretched before standing from my chair. 

"Come on, Fin, let's get breakfast," I murmured quietly but Finley heard me and he sprung off my bed. His claws ticked on the floor as he trotted happily after me downstairs. It was just becoming light outside, a comforting blue hue illuminating the hardwood floor. 

I flicked on the lights and started the coffee pot, then I took Finley outside in the backyard for a few minutes. A light dew clung to the grass blades, and wherever Finley walked, he left a trail. A few birds chirped their morning song and I could hear the morning commute for working adults beginning deep from within the city. 

Finley's paws were soaking wet when he came back to the door, so I grabbed a towel from the laundry room to dry his paws. He lifted each one for me like a true gentleman, and when we headed back into the kitchen, Mikeal was coming down the stairs. He stifled a yawn. 

"Morning," I said. 

He paused, looking at me with a slightly furrowed brow. "You look like you haven't slept a wink." 

I shrugged one shoulder. "Weird night." 

"Nightmares?" 

"Yeah," I didn't say anything else about it. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice grew softer, more understanding, because we all knew what it was like. 

"No," I said a bit too quickly and then cleared my throat, "Thanks." 

He hesitated for a long moment, scrutinizing me, before he finally nodded. "Alright, well if you ever need anything." 

"Thanks," I repeated, and then I grabbed my coffee cup from the cupboard. Finley took that moment to greet Mikeal, his tail wagging, and my oldest brother still just gave him an awkward pat on the head. I could have laughed. 

We drank our coffee in silence. I was ignoring him, and he was trying to figure me out, which I didn't appreciate. If there was anything I liked to do when I was hurt or upset, it was to distance myself. I gave Finley his breakfast right before I heard the twins clambering down the stairs like half-drunken zombies. 

"Jesus, give me some space!" Julian whined, shoving his twin, while they stumbled into the kitchen half awake, shoulder-to-shoulder. 

"You're invading my personal space!" Roman shot back, "Get out of my face!" 

Julian held his finger, inches from Roman's face, "I'm not touching you." 

Roman swatted at his twin with narrowed eyes, "You're touching me!" 

"Am not!"

"Are you always this annoying?" 

"I dunno, you tell me." 

I placed two fingers against my temples and rubbed. God, if there was one thing I didn't miss, it was the twins bickering. They went through phases, that's what I called it, because sometimes they would do really good and they would hardly argue, and then other times it would be nothing but bickering between them. Today was definitely one of those times. 

"You're a dipshit, you know that?" Roman rolled his eyes. They walked into the kitchen, completely ignoring Mikeal and I, and surprisingly even Finley, automatically following their school routine. They really were zombies in the morning. 

Julian pouted, "Hey, that's mean." 

"Big baby," Roman retorted. 

Mikeal sighed and abandoned his stool across the counter from me. I watched as he retreated upstairs to get ready for work and that left me alone with the twins. I couldn't keep my eyes off Roman, though, I just kept telling myself he was alive and breathing. In the flesh, definitely not dead. Sometimes it was ridiculous how much a nightmare could make me question reality. 

"Wow, you look like a ghost." 

I turned my head, Julian had propped himself on the counter right next to me. I hadn't even realized he was there and I blinked at him, "Who, me?" 

"Yeah, you," He said, "Who else am I talking to? That brainless ape?" He gestured over his shoulder at his twin. Roman scoffed. 

"Weird night," I answered without any intention of elaborating. I caught Roman's eyes over Julian's shoulder. He had a dark look in his eyes now, it almost reminded me of Ezra, and I narrowed my eyes slightly. 

I silently communicated to him that I was keeping his secret, so long as he did what he said he would. He pulled a few twenty-dollar bills from his pocket, waving it slightly, and then quickly hid it before Julian turned around. The interaction happened in a matter of seconds, and Julian didn't even notice. 

"Maybe take a nap today," Julian suggested to me.

"Yeah," I agreed. 

I didn't even question where Roman got the money from. 

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So, here's my curious question, what do you want to see happen with these siblings? Not that I don't already have plans, but I am known for entertaining reader requests ;)

I decided to update a day early because I'll be travelling for 14 hours tomorrow, and I absolutely love to respond to comments, so entertain me, please? 

Real fact: I actually have very vivid dreams. Voices, faces, landscapes, feelings, I remember it all. I've dreamt of my own death more than I care to admit. I'll even have phantoms pains for days.