Ambivalent *MGK*

Hear me out

•Minnie•

Sometimes I like to sit and reflect on life. I think about the past, the present, and the future.

It's funny how they all connect. Like, for example, how my past relationship influences the way I deal with Colson.

That relationship was the worst I ever had, and now I'm dealing with a man I can see myself being with forever.

I love him, but what if he loses feelings?

What if he leaves me one day?

What if this is the biggest mistake of my life?

Those are things I stress about on the daily basis- and it's not healthy to think that way when in a relationship.

Wait, is it even a relationship?

I'm tripping, of course it is, right?

I mean, might as well be. We behaved as if we were boyfriend and girlfriend- so why not call it that. I mean, it was me who originally expressed that I wasn't ready- but now I think I am.

So I think I should tell him that. We've been trying to work on communication- so that's what I'm gonna do.

"COLSON" I screamed from the living room. Last I checked, he was in his bedroom playing the game. I never understood the obsession with it, to be honest.

"YES?" He screamed back

"COME HERE BABE"

I waited a few minutes for him to walk in. When he finally did- I saw his hair was messy and he walked stiffly.

He began to stretch in the middle of the room, I cringed at the sounds of his bones cracking.

"What's up?" Colson asked while taking a seat. For some reason, nervousness took over me. I was fine a second ago, I don't know why I was so anxious.

"Well, you know how we've been like...together?" I sounded incredibly awkward. My voice shook with anxiety with a hint of anticipation.

"Whatcha mean?"

"Like....together together. In a relationship- together"

"Are we in a relationship?"

That question caught me a bit off guard- but it was a valid. I don't blame him for asking- because again, it was me expressing that I wasn't ready.

"Yeah, I think so. Well, I guess, that's what I want"

He sat quietly for a bit. I tried studying his facial expression, but it was unreadable.

"I don't wanna hurt you..." He started. Those were not the words I expected to hear. Definitely the ones I wanted to hear.

And maybe it was embarrassment, maybe it was me fear of rejection- but I stopped him mid sentence and got up.

"You know what! Never mind, forget I asked" I said trying to laugh it off. Deep down I was hurting inside.

"Mouse, wait you gotta hear me out"

"No, no I understand. You're not ready and that's okay"

"Please let me speak" He pleaded

"No, it's okay."

I walked over to the front door and opened it, leaving out and slamming the door before I could hear anything else he had to say.

"That was so embarrassing" I frowned, feeling tears threaten my eyes.

Maybe things were right where they needed to be. Maybe I shouldn't try and pursue anything right now.

______________________
Sorry for mistakes