Ambivalent *MGK*

Maybe I don't

•Minnie•

"Did you enjoy your birthday?" Colson asked me

It was around 3:00 am. All the guests had left some hours ago and Pete was asleep in his room.

Colson and I were laying down in his bed, just talking.

"Yes, I enjoyed it"

"I'm glad" He said next

We laid in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Colson suddenly laid his head on my stomach and cuddled up into me.

I instantly began to run my finger through his blond hair that still had pink streaks in it from when he dyed it.

"You know..." He started, "it's getting harder and harder to hate you, Mouse"

I laughed lightly

"Same, it's getting difficult to keep saying I can't stand you"

There was another period of silence, but not for that long

"I keep telling myself that I don't like you...that us hating each other should be the norm" I admitted

"Me too. It's like, maybe I don't hate you-I just don't wanna love you. Such strong feelings"

"Exactly" I agreed, "Because I know that us starting something could be disastrous"

"Hm? Why you say that?" Colson asked, lifting his head to look at me

"Well, think about it Col. You're a bit of a player and I just got my heart broken. It's like we're both not ready"

"I guess..." He responded.

He moved away from me and laid back on the bed normally

I pouted at the sudden loss of his feel.

"I mean, it's not that I don't wanna start something- but we just met a couple months ago and can we really say we know each other that well? Like we don't even know each other's favorite colors"

"Yours is black and ruby red" Colson said lowly

I was taken aback by his answer. He was absolutely correct.

"Well...most people wait a while"

"I think it's varies. Everyone moves at they're own pace. Some wait months, some may even wait years to begin a talking stage."

"Yeah but come on, are you really mature enough for something like that? Can you really stay committed to one girl?"

"Yes, actually. I do talk to or hang out with women but I can do that because I'm single and I make it very clear to them that I don't want a relationship. It's not like I lead them on"

"Colson you're literally so much of a man whore that I wouldn't even be able to trust you"

"But you never seen me in a relationship, so it's not fair to assume I'm a cheater. And I'm not one- for the record"

There was silence again but this time it wasn't so comfortable

"Colson what I'm saying is-"

"You're not ready and that's okay. You don't wanna start anything right now. I understand, Minnie" He interrupted

My heart broke a little when I didn't hear the nickname he had given me- but the one everyone else calls me.

"Are you upset?" I asked

"No" He stated bluntly

I sat up in the bed and looked down at him.

"You want me to leave?" I asked

"....."

No answer. I took that as a yes and decided to leave him room.

"Goodnight" I called out. All I heard was his shifting in the bed

As I walked to my room, I thought about the conversation... and wondered if I took it too far

I do want to try at least a talking stage but we just met 5, almost 6 months ago when he was moved into my apartment without my knowledge.

Isn't that too early?

.....or was he right when he said everyone moves at they're own pace.

I mean, maybe I did overreact when I said we barely know each other. I know a lot about him and he knows a lot about me....

So why did I say that? Why did I say all those things?

What is it? Am I afraid to start something new? Do I really think it's too early or am I just scared?

I don't know...

_________________

Sorry for mistakes ❤️

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