How do we move on from this?

3.

Meredith felt sick. Today she should have been getting ready to go to the park with Sophie but instead, they were sat here organising her funeral. She had been gone a whole week now and every day was getting harder. They were still to return home, well Derek had been home to tidy up but Meredith couldn't bring herself to go. She just couldn't.

"What do you think Meredith?" She heard Derek's voice and brought herself back to reality.

"Hmm, sorry what?" Her tired eyes turned back to the pieces of paper that were spread across the table.

"Flowers. What flowers?" Derek squeezed Meredith's hand.

"I don't know...I...I can't do this. I'm sorry." Meredith pushed her chair back and flew from the table.

Derek watched as she fled from the table and rested his head in his hands. He rubbed at his eyes before sighing. He felt a hand place on his back which caused him to look up, he smiled tiredly up at his mom.

"How's it going?" Carolyn asked as she took a seat in the chair that Meredith was previously sitting in.

"It's not." He sighed deeply and wiped the tears from his face. "I just...how...she was 5 ma. We should be planning her birthday party, not her funeral. Meredith blames herself, I just wish I could take all this pain away but nothing will ever make this ok." He felt Carolyn's hand rubbing lovingly on his back.

"Derek, nothing anyone will ever say will stop the pain or bring Sophie back. But, you and Meredith need to stick together, don't push one another away." Carolyn smiled at him and watched as he slowly nodded his head before pushing himself to his feet and moving after Meredith.

He found her upstairs, curled up next to the toilet. Derek moved and sat down next to her and pulled her into his lap, he brushed the hair out of her face and allowed her body to completely mould into his.

"The lilies." Meredith's voice whispered. "The flowers, let's go for the lilies." Derek squeezed her tight before kissing the top of her head.

They stayed sitting on the floor together until Derek couldn't bare the aching pain that was shouting through him from sitting on the floor.

"Hey Mer." Derek gently shook her body to make sure she was still awake, he watched as he head rose up and looked at him. "Do you want to take a bath? I don't have to join you, I can run you a bath and..." Meredith placed a finger on his lips.

"Please don't leave me." Meredith pleaded. She didn't want to be alone right now.

Derek pulled them before to his feet before turning to run them a bath before climbing in together. Meredith rested her back against his chest, with their finger interlocked and his other arm wrapped tightly around her body. He placed a kiss on her shoulder.

"We need to go home Mer." He felt her body tense up. "Tomorrow, we have to go home. I know it's going to be hard but we need to go Mer, otherwise we never will." He felt her nod her head before leaning her head back against his shoulder.

Derek felt the water starting to cool down so pulled himself from the bath before turning to help Meredith out. She shook her head and he decided he would leave her, just for a little bit longer. He moved into their room and got the bed ready for bed, he changed into his clothes before pulling out some clothes for Meredith. Once everything was ready he moved back to the bathroom and found Meredith staring blankly ahead.

Derek saw that her body was covered in goosebumps and she was shivering as the water was now beyond freezing. He pulled her body from the bath and quickly wrapped her in her towel and tried his best to warm her quickly. Rubbing the towel around her body, he dried her off before passing her the clothes. She just looked down at them before looking back at him with empty eyes.

"Come on Mer, let's get you changed." He dropped the towel and slipped the top over her head. She held onto his shoulders as he slipped on her underwear and then eventually, her shorts. "Let's go to bed." He guided her down to the bed and covered her with the blanket. "I'm just going to get some water." Derek turned to leave the room when he heard Meredith's voice whisper.

"Thank you Der, I'm trying." Meredith was now sitting up in the bed. "I will get better I promise, I just, it's hard." Derek moved and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking her hand in his. "You're grieving as well Der and it's not fair that you're having to look after me like this." Derek shh'd Meredith.

"Hey, you're my wife. This is what we do. Yes, we are both grieving but our grief is different Mer, you carried Sophie for 9 months and she was a mommy's girl completely. My heart breaks everyday that our little girl isn't here anymore." Derek's tears were flowing at this point. "I should have been there to protect her, that's what I'm suppose to do. I failed her and I failed you. I'm so sorry Meredith." Derek was sobbing at this point.

Meredith couldn't bare to see Derek blaming himself. She pulled his head down into her lap and ran her fingers through his hair, she was going to let him get it out. He needed to cry. His arms wrapped tightly around her body as her fingers massaged his head. They stayed like that until Derek's sobs quietened down and they moved to lay down together.

Meredith cupped his face in her arms and wiped her thumbs over his cheeks, where the tears had dried. She pulled their faces together and pressed their lips together, pressing multiple kisses to his lips. She pulled his head into her chest, his arms wrapping around her body and her fingers going back to his hair.

Usually, they fell asleep cuddled together but during the night they would pull apart from one another. But now, they stayed intertwined through the whole night, like they were scared to let go of one another. Like if they did then they would disappear. Life was so unfair.