Upside Down Mirror: A Grim Tale (Harry Potter Fanfic)

Cruelty of Time

Did he hear voices in his head?

Not any more than he did under that dreaded potion he took to fetch the Horcrux, but Regulus would argue it was even less.

The voices were in reality simply his regrets, his worst memories bouncing around in his skull, yet the only difference from the rest of his life was the fact everything was a bunch of worst memories. Positive memories simply ended up sucked out, creating a headache when there were too many sucked out at once, so he simply didn't think of them.

There was no way to measure time in there, yet thanks to his father he knew he'd missed his NEWTs, even missed graduating, which ended up being two more unhappy memories rattling around in his skull. He hated how his father asked him what he wanted to be, yet this added more disappointments to his life, could-have-been scenarios where he might have been a healer, on a professional quidditch team, anything.

His maman never visited, which in his mind meant she was as he thought she would be, but she sent chocolate, yet Regulus thought it was just his father trying to convince him his maman hadn't disowned him like she had Sirius.

He didn't expect much of any visitors, but Dawlish let him know that he wasn't going to let through any journalist, as many journalists wanted to interview him regarding being the youngest Death Eater in captivity. Regulus didn't feel this was an achievement, to be honest. Crouch also visited, but he always froze, remembering the man's son and how uncomfortable Barty could make him feel.

A small birthday cake was brought by both his father and grandfather on his birthday, marking half a year he'd been in Azkaban. Regulus didn't tell either one that this created a happy memory he would struggle in blocking for some time as they seemed quite pleased with himself, but he quickly shifted his mind from thinking they cared to it being them simply trying to keep his mood up because he was still the only heir, yet it marked how long he'd been imprisoned.

What he didn't expect was a visit from Sirius.

Sirius, after all, hated him.

Yet Sirius did eventually come and see him.

"Hi." Regulus couldn't look Sirius in the eye.

"That's it? That's all you have to say to your brother?"

"You're not..." Regulus looked at the table, his hands underneath. "You don't consider me your brother."

"Fine. Be that way." There came a silence between the two, but Regulus knew he didn't like Sirius being there, yet he remembered their previous exchange where Sirius declared himself the Grim. "I really didn't come, but certain people kept bugging me about coming."

"Figures."

"I really don't get it, to be honest."

"Get what?"

"Why you'd throw everything away, Your future."

"What future?"

"You know, like..." Sirius paused, but when Regulus glanced up he saw his brother rubbing the back of his neck. "You know, I don't know. I mean, I only got into Auror training because James was doing it. What did you want to do with your life once you graduated? I am honestly curious."

"I don't know."

"Bloody hell Regulus. Was your dream always to be a Death Eater, even before you became the heir?" Sirius mocked.

"No! My dream was to..." Regulus' mouth snapped shut, his hands clenching the pants of his prison uniform. He didn't look into his brother's eyes, but he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much he cared about that.

"See, you did have a dream! Everyone does, so what..."

"I would have likely become a bloody Auror like you!" Regulus snapped, sucking in his breath when he realized what he said. His eyes closed, but he felt like crying.

"Yeah right. You hate me."

"Hate you?"

"Just like the rest of the family."

Regulus looked up at his brother, feeling angry. "Nobody in the family hates you, Sirius, except maybe Bella."

Sirius glared at him, the look normally reserved for their mother directed back at him. "Oh really? Where did you get that idea from?"

"Learn the bloody difference between actually hating someone and hating their life choices!" What he said made Sirius react, his facial features softening. "What? What is going through that head of yours?"

"Don't lecture me about not knowing the difference between actually hating someone and hating their life choices Regulus." Sirius' facial features harden. "Just don't! Because coming from you..."

Regulus sucked in a deep breath. "You..." He shook his head, still feeling angry. "I don't get you."

"Well, I don't get you either."

"That's not funny!"

"I don't think it's funny either."

"You..."

"You've already said that, done that Reggie."

"You don't get how much I idolized you, no matter how much of a git you ended up being, do you? How I'd do anything just because you did it, at least until you had to go and run away leaving all that crap of being the heir on my shoulders!"

"It's what you wanted, wasn't it!"

"What I wanted?"

"Yeah?" Sirius laughed, a smirk spreading across his face. "You'd do anything just because I did? You mean like joining the Quidditch team? What a laugh."

Regulus' breath sucked in. "James told you about that?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I told him..." Regulus swallowed, his mouth snapping shut, not wanting Sirius to know.

"James and I haven't talked about anything the two of you've discussed when he visited you, but I certainly could ask him now."

Regulus felt his blood run cold, knowing Sirius would figure it out. He looked down at the table. "Go ahead and laugh at me as you already do that, when he tells you about our conversation regarding Quidditch."

"I'm not laughing." Sirius' tone of voice sounded cold. "You did join Quidditch because of me, didn't you? Why would you do that?" Regulus snapped his mouth shut, feeling nauseously ill. Sirius tried pushing for an answer to his question, yet got nothing. The visit ended with Sirius saying, "Fine! Be that way Regulus! See if I care! I see this was the biggest mistake I've ever made, coming to see you, trying too—I honestly don't know what I was doing."