On and Offline - 사랑해 [Part 2 of New Text Received]

24

Alison's POV

The moment I saw Jisung running out of the room I was immediately sober again. I ignored Lucas who was screaming several words at me that I didn't understand, and chased after Han. I catched up to him in the big lobby but he was rushing off extremely fast so I had to run not to lose sight of him. "Hey! Jisung wait! Please let me explain!" I shouted that loudly that the whole hotel could've been able to hear me. Jisung just kept on walking straight to the entrance door. "Where are you going?!" Suddenly I noticed tears on his face. I quickly grabbed his hand and immediately stopped dead when I felt how heavily he was shivering. Jisung tossed his hand out of mine forcibly and bolted out of the door. Suddenly it dawned on me and warm tears filled my eyes... Jisung's got an anxiety attack. And I caused it... My heart felt like it broke into a thousand pieces. I didn't know what to do. Every option in my head seemed to be wrong. My heart told me to go after him and carefully talk him down but my head thought it'd be the best to leave him alone. My feet led me to the door and I let my eyes wander over the big hotel park. I spotted Jisung sitting on a bench under a tree all tightly huddled. For a second I hesitated. I was so damn worried about him but I just couldn't face him right now, could I? With shaky hands I took out my phone and called Lee Know. "Hey Ally? What is it?", he answered the phone surprised. "Uhm...so I think Jisung isn't in a good state right now and maybe you could come pick him up?" "What do you mean? What happend? And why don't you take care of him yourself?" My voice must have been very unstable because Lee Know sounded rather concerned. "I think Jisung would be better off without me for now..." "Ally, stop scaring me, okay?! What the hell happened!?" "He's seen something that he shouldn't have... It's my fault he's experiencing an anxiety attack right now. I don't believe he wants to see me... If he allows me to explain it to him tomorrow I will do so but for today it's enough for him. Come get him please! It breaks my heart watching him sit there all alone with his head busy thinking about this misunderstanding. It really is a misunderstanding! I didn't want this to happen..." Mumbling these last few words I felt tears running down my cheeks and I could've hated me for these tears. I just hurt Jisung again and I have absolutely no right to cry now. "Ya Ally, that really doesn't sound good. Send me your location! I will be there any second!" I did as he told me and only a few minutes later he emerged next to me. "Oh shit...You look pale. It has to be really bad, am I right?" I nodded and looked to the ground. "Don't cry!", he tried to comfort me and started drying my tears. "Thank you...but I don't deserve your care, Minho! Please care for Han instead..." Lee Know sighed and walked over to Jisung. I gulped when I saw Jisung's tear-stained face as he raised his head. The boys chatted for quite a while but I couldn't understand what they were saying as they talked in Korean but were also too far away. Finally they got up and I quickly hided behind a wall. Lee Know looked back at me and signaled me to text him later.

I'd waited until I hadn't been able to see them anymore and had sat down on the bench he had been sitting on before. I took out my phone and played 'Talking to the Moon' by Bruno Mars. Again my eyes filled with tears and kept falling. I just wished to disappear from this planet. Jisung was the sweetest boy I knew and there's no better boyfriend than him. But I am a fucking fool and I broke his heart. I felt horrible. My vision got blurry as I laid my head back onto the backrest of the bench. Watching the night sky had always made me feel safe in some way. Minutes or maybe hours passed when I finally calmed down a little and checked my phone. There were 15 missed calls and almost 100 messages. All of them from Ari. Minho must have told her what happened. I didn't reply to her messages. I just wanted to be alone. I felt like everyone who got in touch with me would get hurt because of me. I felt like people were not safe when they're with me. I should just disappear into nowhere. "Ah thank God, there you are Ally!" I heard Ari scream. Blankly I looked up at her and she pulled me into a really tight hug. "Are you...okay? You didn't hurt yourself, right?", she asked with fear in her voice. There once was a time I was mentally unstable so she's always scared I would suffer a relapse. "I'm fine..." I replied faintly. I knew she wouldn't believe me. She didn't say a word but looked at me extremely worried. Ari's hair was muddled and her forehead was a little sweaty. Again I felt this twinge in my stomach. She looked so tired and I bet it was me that had made her stressed out once again. I am nothing more than a huge burden to everyone I love. "Come let's go to our room. I will make you some ramen and you will tell me what happened, sounds good?" Ari's voice sounded so calm although she seemed to be so exhausted and I teared up again. She did so much for me. I feel like she'd do anything for me. I wrapped my arms around her again rightly. I just loved my best friend.