The Truth That Lies (WangXian Modern AU)

13

Lan Zhan looks up at me. "I don't—" he starts and stops, and starts again. "You don't have to make me feel better."

I smile and scoot onto his lap. "But I want to," I murmur. "Also, we should get past this if we don't want complications in future."

He considers for a moment and nods, thankfully. As much we needed this, I didn't want to push Lan Zhan to do something he's uncomfortable with.

"So, Lan Zhan, there's one thing I realize when I look back at those times. I don't know how convincing it is, but, you're the only one I've ever been able to love." He reaches out and caresses my cheekbone. "And you're the only one I've ever truly wanted."

Which was the utmost truth.

All my life, I've come across a lot of people. People who knew me as the troublemaker who maker who makes a joke about anything, as the smart-alec in the boardroom, as the guy at the bar they want to take home. But Lan Zhan—he knows me.

He knows when I say yes but actually mean no, when I put on a work-smile but on the verge of throwing things around, he knows me vulnerable, he knows me needy, and he knows me truly happy. And no matter how horrible I can be in the raw form underneath, no matter how many times I've tried to stop him, he still says he loves me and he means it.

I continue, "Look, I wish I could go back in time and change everything that happened to us." I grin. "I might even consider dropping your uncle into a faraway island with no human habitat, so be thankful that I can't do it."

Lan Zhan chuckles, hypnotizing me for a second.

"Anyway," I continue, "the point is, what happened already happened. And now we have to live with it whether we like it or not." I suddenly realize that it could sound bad. "I mean, I'm not trying to justify anything—I—I know it's wrong—"

"Wei Ying." Lan Zhan cups my face. "I understand."

I smile, stupidly, flustered by his considerate gaze. "So . . ." I clear my throat. "I'm sorry. For—honestly, I can't pinpoint the exact thing I'm apologizing for. I guess it's everything all at once. But, I owe it to you. I'm sorry, okay?"

"I'm sorry too." He says, "For leaving. And for taking so long to come back."

He kisses me. His hand over mine over his cheek, the other gently pulling me close by my neck—he kisses me slow and gentle. When those lips softly press to mine in the new light of forgiving and being forgiven, something tells me that all that matters is this. Us. This moment. The present.

We lazily make out on the armchair till my legs start feeling numb from kneeling for too long. So Lan Zhan makes me sit back on his lap and tenderly squeezes me to himself.

"Tell me about London," I say, stroking his head which was on my shoulder. "I'll make it easy. . . Tell me three things you hated."

He thinks. "Winter nights, they are too long. Uncle's mansion. Being away from you."

I chuckle, turning to press a kiss on his cheek. "Three things you liked?"

"How the city looks. Museums." He falters with that. "The pub down the college."

I look up at him, surprised. "Is that where you learned to drink?"

"Mn."

"With whom?"

"Alone." He replies. "I had a bodyguard who followed me around. He used to take me back to the mansion when I passed out."

I laugh. "What a nice job."

Lan Zhan hums, chuckling.

"Take me to the museums when we go there," I tell him, and suddenly remember that the reason we're going there is to visit Qiren.