When I was your man
I couldn't believe how bad it hurt; just hearing her name. It practically tore my heart in half just to even think about what we had, and how stupid I was to not see it before she got sick of me and left.
I never really knew how much I loved her until she was gone.
When laying in my bed at my apartment completely alone made the bed feel like it was ten times bigger, and like I was so alone.
When I would hear our song on the radio and it honestly didn't even sound the same.
There was something about life without her. That killed me. That hurt worse then I ever thought possible.
But acting like I was completely over it is what hurt the worse.
"Hunter lets get a move on" one of my friends said patting my shoulder as he ran past me.
It was New Years Eve. And the overgrown city of New York was crawling with a hundred times more people then usual.
And all I could do was smile and fallow after him. Catching a cab after forever we went down to a bar where my current girlfriend: Peyton, and her friend were waiting for us.
Peyton wasn't really anything more to me then something to cope with the pain. I mean I didn't just use her for sex but I didn't really love her or really really like her even. She was just there all the time.
Skyler, my ex girlfriend. The one I can't get over, she's all I think about. But she won't talk to me anymore not after our nasty break up after a whole three years, she just left. Said she couldn't put up with me anymore.
Now let me get this part straight. No, I didn't turn to drugs, no I don't have a drinking problem, and no I don't just screw sluts for fun now.
I really did love her, and all I wanna really do is get her back and treat her right.
But that didn't seem likely at the time.
So I just kicked back with my friends had a few drinks and just relaxed a little.
The bar we were at was crammed clear full with people but somehow me and Peyton manage to find a couch and sat down.
After a few hours of bar hopping and walking down the crowed city streets I offered to walk Peyton home at around 1:30 in the morning.
She just lived about a block down the street so it wouldn't be a problem.
While walking with her she talked a lot about nothing and what she liked and whatnot. I was vaguely listening here and there but I was more worried about just getting her home safe and then myself.
Once we got to her apartment building she gave me a quick kiss and a long hug and then I left.
I was walking on the left side of the street and then always crossed the street at the exact same corner. But something told me to keep walking. I have no idea what it was but it was strong.
Walking back towards the bar I passed a fancier Italian restaurant that I remembered Skylar saying something about. She loved eating out, and flowers preferably red roses. And she loved more then anything to slow dance.
Glancing up in the windows I was shocked when I saw her bright smile. It forced me to stop in my tracks. People pushing passed me on the crowed sidewalks cussed and told me to get out of the way but I was frozen.
I hadn't seen her since the break up almost nine months ago. And she looked more stunning then ever, bright red lipstick and a slimming straight black dress with a blood red sash. She had her hair curled in thick wavy brown curls. She looked better then ever.
I couldn't help but smile with all the positive tension building in my stomach from seeing her smiling face again.
I had to talk to her. I knew by now my apology would mean nothing. I was way too late. But I still had to do something.
It was almost fate when her eyes met mine. And she smiled at me kind of shocked. I watched as she grabbed her dates black sports coat from the back of her chair and she came practically running out of the restaurant into the freezing cold.
"Hunter...?" she asked stepping closer.
Smiling I couldn't stop myself. I pulled her into a hug an just held her close for a while. "What are you doing on this side of town?" she asked pulling away.
Her smile was unmistakably excited. She actually looked happy to see me.
"Just seein a friend," I answered back looking her up and down smiling softly "Wow... You look, amazing. Really Sky." I bit down on my lip and laughed a little through my nose at how stupid I sounded.
"Well thank you, so do you." she said still smiling.
Her date kept turning around and looking out the large windows in the front of the building like he was worried she was gonna run away.
I looked like a street bum compared to this guy. He was dressed to the nine with a button up shirt and a tie, his hair was perfect like he had it professionally done for tonight and he looked like he was in exceptionally physical condition.
She pulled me into another hug and whispered just loud enough for me to hear "I miss you babe."
I smiled and pulled away. "I miss you too..." after pausing for a little bit i looked back up at her date "But he looks like he treats you good, you actually look like your really happy." I nodded.
"He is a pretty good guy." she nodded back. It was at that moment I noticed the ring on her finger.
She was gone. And I had no chance of getting her back. So I gave her one last hug and we said our goodbyes.
I flagged down a cab and went straight home.
I couldn't breathe. It felt like I had weights in my chest. Like all the air in my lungs had been sucked out with a vacuum, I could only take shallow breaths.
My heart was literally aching with the pain of knowing she was gone, I needed her back.
Seeing her so happy made it all too real to me.
And I couldn't live knowing how much I had hurt her.
All I could think about as I fell asleep that night was...
I hope more then anything. He buys her flowers, that he holds her hand. And gives her his attention in full, every second he gets. And that he takes her to all the parties, so she can get all the slow dances she missed while she was with me.
I hope he treats her exactly how I should have, and makes her feel loved. Because I love her. And I need her to be happy...
I just wish that could've been with me, so I didn't have to think back on when I was her man.
I wish I could just be her man.
</3
