History // Jack Brewer

~ 02 ~

||GOLD DIGGERS||

|LYRA

We were holding a funeral for one of the loyal students of the Wasabi Warriors Academy, Edna. I had just finished my speech and Jack was finishing his. "Although she is gone, Edna will always be a wonderful part of our dojo. She may have been a hundred and two, but she can still 'high ya!' with the best of 'em," Jack continued. "And finally-" He was cut off by Rudy's obnoxious throat clearing making me roll my eyes.

"Cough drop?" I asked, taking one from Aunt Louise and handing it to Rudy. He shook his head, continuing his obnoxious behavior.

"Rudy, would you like to say something?" Jack asked.

"What? No, I don't- I don't even know- it's fine," Rudy declined holding a large piece of paper with words written on it.

"K, then, in conclusion-"

"-uh if you insist, I mean," Rudy cut Jack off, getting up from his chair. "We're here. So," Rudy trailed off, clearing his throat again. He turned on some peaceful sorrow music making me relax into Aiden's arm. I noticed the small, subtle glares Jack was sending to Aiden throughout the setup and Rudy's speech. "Edna, E is for energetic, D is for darling, N is for neck because she had one. The Ns are hard for me," Rudy defended at all of our stares. "And A is for awesome," Rudy finished, allowing us all to applaud. "And now for her last name Gerbanmyrbuschcanbombter. G is for-"

"-Rudy! Thank you," Jack cut him off. "Now a few words from her favorite sparring partner, Milton Krupnick." We all clapped as Milton took the podium.

"It feels like only yesterday that Edna looked me in the eye and said, 'Eat mat, beanpole!'. To make sure she's here in spirit to spar with us for many more years to come, I present the Edna Gerbanmyrbuschcanbombter memorial sparring partner," Milton spoke.

"G is for-"

"-Rudy!" me, Jack, and Milton stopped him. Milton took off the sheet covering the punching dummy with Edna's picture on it.

"That was the face she made when she was in her beast mode," Milton recalled, tearing up a bit. "It's got a recording of Edna's grunts inside."

"So please, as you leave, say goodbye to Edna the way she would've wanted," Jack requested. People got up to leave the dojo, punching Edna's stomach as they left.

"We're still on for lunch today, right, babe?" Aiden asked.

"Yeah," I nodded, pecking his cheek.

"Bye babe," Aiden waved before punching Edna's gut.

"Gentlemen. And lady," a random dude came up to us. "I was Edna's lawyer."

"Uh Jack's the sensei in charge, sue him," Rudy immediately pointed at Jack. Jack's jaw dropped and he wordlessly tried to deny it.

"No, I am here to let you know that the four of you are in her will. And Edna was a very wealthy woman," the lawyer told us.

"That's not important," Rudy modestly shook his head. Wait for it. "What matters is that Edna was a beautiful soul and- how much money we talkin' about now?" There it is.