The Thing About Flip Flops

Chapter Thirty Nine: The Sex Habits of Octopi

"...Pizzazz?" I finish, making him snort.

"I was not going to say pizzazz."

"Oh, you were so going to say pizzazz."

"Was not."

As soon as we're seated at our white tablecloth covered table under a large chandelier (whaaaat?!), we get bread. That's how I know immediately that this restaurant will be good; any restaurant where they bring you warm, fresh bread is guaranteed to be better than any one where they don't.

I seize a slice of baguette from the basket and pretty much inhale it. Wow, I didn't realize I was that hungry. Jack just chuckles at me pigging out and looks down at the menu, trying to subtly peek at me. I pretend not to notice him staring at me and then flitting his gaze back down to the menu surreptitiously.

Then he bursts out laughing, covering his mouth quickly to muffle the sound and looking around the room guiltily. Wow, am I that funny looking?

"What is it?" I demand in a confused voice.

He shakes his head, vibrating with silent laughter and hands me the menu.

I scan it, looking it up and down for something I would like, but...

Appetizers:

Fried octopus with spicy marinara sauce

Octopus salad with vinaigrette dressing

Octopus with chorizo and pickled purple carrots

Entrées:

Seasonal vegetables and Korean-style octopus

Linguini with octopus, red pepper and basil

Octopus risotto (Greek style)

Grilled octopus with lemon butter sauce

Desserts:

Oh no. No, I'm not even going to read the dessert menu.

"There seems to be a common theme here," Jack smirks through his bouts of laughter. "There are way too many octopuses on this menu."

"Octopi," I correct with a giggle, then my hand comes up to cover my mouth as I join him in laughing hysterically.

"I thought it was Beatles themed! I didn't think it would all be octopus dishes! I thought that was just the name of the restaurant!" Jack says, with a tragic expression on his face.

I snort, "It's fine, I like seafood so it'll probably be good! We can at least try it and see."

He stares at me. "But A... I'm allergic to seafood."

I clap my hand over my mouth, doubling over in laughter. "Okay so what do you want to do then? I could eat the food and you could just watch me sadly or you could have that bread in the basket," I suggest, then smirk. "Oh wait, I forgot. I ate it all already."

He glares at me as I take a sip from my glass of water, and then looks mischievous as he says, "You want to eat octopus? Really? You know, only seven of those tentacles are actually tentacles, the other one is its d-"

I choke on my glass of water, my face heating up. "Oh my god, Jack you need serious help."

"What? It's a scientific fact, octopuses have to have sex too you know!"

"Octopi," I correct him once again, through fits of laughter. "Octopi have to have sex."

"Uh, so can I take your order now or...?" A voice says from beside the table and I look up to find a tall girl with a white-blonde pixie cut and a nose piercing standing in a waitress uniform with a notepad and a pen, corded earphones dangling from one ear. I wonder if the earphones are allowed in such a fancy restaurant, surprised that her manager would let her keep them in.