not edited
"Don't get too close,
It's dark inside,
It's where my demons hide,"
~Demons, Imagine Dragons
eighteen::flashback six
--
"I'm sorry," Zayn croaked, pulling his sleeve down, "I couldn't help myself, Li."
Liam didn't move.
Zayn expected that.
So, he picked up the razor again and went towards the bathroom.
--
"Zee, what did I do wrong?" Liam asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he kneeled in front of his best friend. Zayn wiped his eyes, clutching his hot cocoa mug in his hands tightly, looking past Liam as if he was invisible.
Because really, that's how Liam made Zayn feel. Invisible.
"I'm going out, babe." Gavin said, pressing his lips against Liam's- also now known as his two week boyfriend- before he left Liam's house, and the entire time Zayn felt like emptying his gut out in the toilet.
"Go away, Liam." Zayn croaked out, his hands still grasping the steaming mug but not drinking any of it. "Well, technically, it's my house, so no, yeah, I'm not leaving." Liam huffed, his thumb stroking Zayn's thigh, and at first Zayn relaxed into his touch but then jerked his thigh back, scooting down to the further end of the couch.
"I'll leave then." Zayn snapped, getting up and putting the mug onto the coffee table, because really, he was just there to run errands for Karen- Liam's mum- and she had been kind enough to give him a mug of cocoa that Zayn loved, but Liam just had to go ahead and ruin it.
"No, Zayn!" Liam stopped his best friend, his hand gripping Zayn's wrist. "Let me go, Liam." Zayn sniffed, trying to wriggle his wrist out of Liam's grasp, but to no avail would Liam's steel like grip loosen. The brunette sighed, dragging his whimpering and sniffling yet stubbron friend up the stairs, and in an almost impossible way, into his room.
"Now," Liam growled, shutting the door behind him, before turning around to face Zayn, who had backed away into the wall, "Tell me what the hell is up with you!"
And that's when Zayn lost it. He couldn't take it anymore.
"With me!?" Zayn yelled, walking forward briskly until Liam was the one backed into the wall,"What the hell is up with you, Liam!? Do you understand what I have been going through!? Oh wait, you're just ignorant! Ignorant and idiotic, and you make me feel like shit! But... But I still love you!"
Zayn's sentence cracked in between, as he stopped poking Liam's chest, letting his his arm fall limp next to him. Tears fell down his cheeks as both boys stared at each other, one with a frown and tears and one with a confused and shocked expression. "You.. You love me?" Liam finally forced out, and Zayn nodded looking at th ground.
What he didn't expect was when Liam lifted his face and crashed his lips to Zayn's, kissing him fiercely. Zayn cried and laughed at the same time, not believing it was happening but his happiness was short lived when Liam pushed him away, looking at him with wide eyes.
"Shit! Shit- this wasn't supposed to happen! I have a boyfriend! You're- Zayn, you're not worth it!" And with that said, Liam bolted out of the room and out of his own house, leaving Zayn to wonder how he really wasn't worth it.
He grabbed Liam's razor from the dressing table and walked into his bathroom, because, he really wasn't just worth it.
--
Zayn sobbed as he exposed his wrist to sharp and cruel metal of the razor.
And with careful hands, he made the razor trace the same words that were there but fading, opening new wounds.
Worthless.
--
I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS IN AGES OOPS
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~Harry
YOU ARE READING
eighteen ➸ ziam au
Fanfiction❝kiss me where i lay down, my hands press to your cheeks. a long way from the playground❞ as zayn sat next to the hospital bed, his eyes fixed on liam's bloody face, the only thing going through his head was that it was his fault. - © a.
