Oh I Do Like Guys, Just Not You (L.S)

Chapter 16

He doesn't tell Niall or Zayn about it either, just puts on a happy smile, not in the mood for well-meant advice that he can't bear to follow.

And it's not like he isn't happy with Louis, he really is. When they're together, everything is utter bliss and sex, and Harry finds his thoughts gliding towards hopes of a real relationship which only leads to yet another breakdown when he wakes up alone or when Louis barely looks at him at school with Liam present.

It's those little flares of happiness that kill Harry the most, because they show him just how happy he could be in a relationship with Louis. It's too bad that they're only fuckbuddies.

So, maybe Harry shuts down a bit, going through a couple weeks like this, and whenever Louis asks Harry if anything is bothering him, Harry usually distracts him with kissing, blowjobs - or when Louis is the most insistent, more sex.

It's a shit coping mechanism, closing off to the world, and Harry very well knows so, but this is better than burdening Louis or his friends with his stupid feelings and low self-esteem. He isn't strong enough to break things of with Louis before he lets himself fall further either, yet Harry knows how much worse it's going to feel if he keeps doing this.

He just can't get himself to stay away from Louis despite the continues breakdowns that inevitably follow. Luckily, he is a good actor, so no one knows anything is wrong. Not Liam, Niall or Zayn or even Louis who Harry is with at least three times a week, whether Louis is visiting Liam, Harry's at Louis' place or they're just in the back of Louis' car.

Or at least, Harry believes he is a good actor. Apparently not good enough.

About two weeks after his first breakdown, Harry is headed to Louis' house after school, feeling almost giddy from getting to spend the afternoon with the other boy, for now ignoring the mental hangover that undoubtedly follows.

He stopped knocking a while ago, instead just pushing the front door open and heading straight for Louis' room.

As he walks through the open door to Louis' room, he immediately spots the older boy at the desk, eyes trained on the screen and a headset hugging his ears, swaddled in one of Harry's oversized sweaters. He obviously hasn't noticed Harry entering, so he takes the chance to sneak up behind Louis.

He stands still for a second, waiting to see if he has been caught, but when Louis doesn't react, Harry slowly leans forward and plants a small kiss on the side of Louis' neck.

Instead of the cute little jump he expected, Louis' arms fly up with shock and he almost falls backwards in the chair, successfully hitting Harry in the face on the way, making them both tumble onto the floor.

Despite the flush of pain blaring from his cheek, Harry can't help but giggle when they roll around on the floor, Louis still not completely comprehending what is happening. At times like this, it's easy imagining Louis as his boyfriend.

They end up tangled on the floor for almost fifteen minutes, exchanging small pecks and giggling once in a while. At last, Harry's back starts hurting, and they move to the bed, Louis immediately straddling Harry, and looking at him with clear intent.

"I need to talk to you, Haz", despite the nervousness in Louis' voice, he seems rather determined, and Harry is scared of what's to come, so he does as he always does; Tries to distract the boy above him from things Harry doesn't want to hear.

He reaches up to grab Louis by the collar, pulling him closer for a much deeper kiss than the ones on the floor. But Louis isn't having it today, and he quickly pushes Harry down, this time pinning his hands to the bed.

"You don't get to distract me today. Don't you think, I know that's what you've been doing?" Harry is about to protest, but there's really nothing to say, so he gives distraction one last shot, strains against Louis' hold in an unsuccessful attempt to reach the fly of his pants.

Louis only presses him down harder, refusing to let Harry look anywhere but right at the older boy.

"I'm not stupid, Haz. Something has you down, and I'm worried about you. You've been acting weird since movie night with the boys".

"I'm fine really, I- ".

"No! Don't give me that 'I'm fine bullshit' when you're obviously not. You're the one that said, I could talk to you. That goes both ways, Haz" His tone goes from harsh and cutting to soft and almost pleading, as he whispers the nickname.

Harry feels so naked and exposed at the words, and it all comes down to the last line of defense, lashing out.

"Yeah, so? What happened to us not having to tell each other things because we're not dating?!". Harry purposefully makes the words as cutting as possible, praying that Louis will let it all go, but Louis looks a bit too hurt by the words, and it tugs at Harry's already heavy heart.

Louis' hands involuntarily loosen a bit around Harry's wrists, but the younger boy doesn't move, completely immobilized by Louis next words.

"You're such a fucking hypocrite, Harry! Telling me to talk to you and then acting like this".

For a second, Harry doesn't know what to say, but he does know that it's a lot easier getting mad than being vulnerable - which is why he rolls away from under Louis with a powerful motion, leaving Harry standing beside the bed while Louis sits on in.

"I'm not a fucking hypocrite. You're the one that keeps saying we're not dating and I'm just trying to accept that. Yet here you are! Fucking complaining about how that isn't good enough either."

"All right. So now I'm the fucking problem. I told you about my bad days when you asked, and you can't do the bare fucking minimum to let me know that you're okay when I worry about you". The harsh tone doesn't quite match the words and Louis eyes are blank, but somehow that makes it worse.

As their voices raise, Harry is slowly panicking on the inside - sadness mixing with anger - this going nowhere according to plan. He doesn't want to fight with Louis.

But apparently, that's too late, as Louis stands up, prodding Harry in the chest with a stiff finger. "Why don't you leave and come back when you're done acting like a fucking child and actually want to talk about things?"

Louis' finger is removed, instead pointing towards his door. And Harry doesn't know what to say, so he whispers in an intense and almost hateful tone, "Fuck you, Louis," not even knowing why he says those words, just leaving in a fit of anger, a waterfall of incomprehensible emotions clouding his mind.

Harry almost runs through the house, desperate to get outside, so fast that he doesn't even notice the scrambling sounds from Louis' room, almost as if the other boy was kicking things harshly.

However, as soon as Harry is outside, anger turns to sadness, and Harry is silently crying as he stumbles home, feeling more down than he has in a while.

A/N Today I signed my contract for a full-time job for when I finish school. Wuhuu!