𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 - 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐟𝐨𝐲

12-Clandestine Meetings

AN: Ramadan Mubarak! (to those who celebrate it) Happy fasting:)

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"You don't have parents?" He asked 

I shook my head in 'no', yet my smile never twisted into a scowl at the constant reminder of my forsaken self. And although I did not ask for it, I could already see the sympathy in him run through his veins- noticing his sign of prepared fellow feeling

"Don't pity me for it, please. I'm perfectly fine on my own" I reassured, although my voice seemed uncertain as to whether I was questioning my own reassurance.

A small brink of silence passed us, creating heavy and unwanted tension that weighed on both of us 

"Well, don't you ever wonder what it's like to have parents?" He questioned, curiosity filling him, replacing the undecided remorse 

"I do, many times- But, I mostly think about what it would be like to have a mother in my life, or even a motherly figure. One who could value me and protect me as her own, one who-" I stopped myself mid-sentence, reevaluating the words that were finally freed from my penitentiary-like mind. He did not actually care about anything I said. I was simply talking to myself with the physical presence of someone else "I, never mind- Its stupid-" 

"What's stupid? You wanting a mother?" His curiosity seemed genuine and unadulterated. He had given me ambivalent and uncertain feelings. I had wondered in the midst of my trail of thought if he had treated all his colleagues like this, did he make them all feel recognized or valued? Or was it just a facade of commiseration?

"Not that- It's just" I sighed, contemplating whether or not I should continue "I ask of you to not pity me, then I continue to send you on a guilted rant," I said, out of breath from my mouth off

I heard a chuckle at my flustered and breathless state. The same child-like feeling flowed through me again. I sank down the water with embarrassment. With barely my head peeking out. I could tell the longer he would stay here, the thicker my barriers of protection would build 

I was conflicted, as I had thought before. At times, I felt like I could rely all myself in the palm of his freezing hands. But the feeling like he could toss all that trust away lingered in the air. 

Thoughts felt like blackouts, and before I could comprehend or process anything, I was already swimming back to the place I called home 

-

He stared down at the water, rethinking if he had said anything wrong. If he had suggested any sort of act of violence. He wasn't quite sure if his questions made her too uncomfortable. For that, he quietly cursed himself under the cold December air 

He called out her name. It felt so foreign and new on his tongue, yet comforting as if it were replicating her warm presence

After minutes of desperation and despondency, he had finally come to the conclusion that Cordelia was to not come back, for now at least 

He walked the grassy path all the way back to Hogwarts. Checking the time on his watch, it was already nearing midnight, meaning he had some opportunity to sneak through the castle halls and work on the forbidden cabinet 

It was comedic, in a way. He was trying to use Cordelia as an emotional distraction, something to clear the fog in his head- His main issue had been the cabinet and the rest of his task- and now, he's fixing the cabinet to distract himself from her 

He promised himself, in the beginning, that Cordelia would be nothing but that, a spiritual diversion. But he had already found himself between the white lies of thinking about her too often. His thoughts retraced back to what he might have done to scare her away from him