Flea

Chapter Sixty

"There's such thing as non-alcoholic spirits?" Maeve asked quizzically, inspecting a bottle of clear fluid against the light. Light jazz played in the background. 

"If you look close enough you can see the label says 'why bother?'," Jin snorted, mixing different fruit juices.

"Who the fuck wants vodka for the taste? What's wrong with you?" She asked, brushing past Maeve to grab the salt. Maeve hoisted herself onto the countertop.

"I'm curious. Question: Drinking two bottles of straight vodka should kill someone, right?"

"That depends. Two bottles of the real deal are 46 standards, which the rulebooks claim should kill you if you down them at once. I've had friends who've had that much and woken up the next day without a hangover. This stuff, however," Jin indicated the alcohol-free vodka, "Lethal. For the soul. I came all the way from Fukuoka to make you drinks and this is the thanks I get," the nurse complained, turning off the tap.

"How is moving by the way?" 

"Eh. Kenji's making it tougher than it needs to be. Imagine having emotions, blegh," Jin retched.

"Imagine being a complete asshat to your almost fiance and still claiming to have emotions."

"He wasn't an asshat. Just... Not right for me," Jin reasoned. 

"Jin. He proposed to you over the phone, at a business conference for baby wipes," Maeve sighed, playing with a paper umbrella.  

"And you wouldn't?"

"I absolutely would if I ever got around to proposing to anyone. The difference is that I'd understand the humour of the situation and decide to be an asshole anyway. I am not a passive asshat."

"It was a bit harsh to break up with him then and there though," Jin mused, twisting open the cap to a bottle of actual vodka. 

"That's what alcohol's for," Maeve decided, watching her friend pour a decent portion into crystal glasses and do the same with fake vodka into a kiddy cup. 

"Here's to drinking away our sorrows! Your first-ever failed exam and my failed relationship," Jin toasted cheerfully, and they both took a gulp. Maeve immediately began coughing her lungs out and collapsed on the floor. 

"I can'tttt."

"Hmm. We can try fake tequila next. That might be more to your taste."

"When are Midnight and Joke getting here?"

"How should I know? Probably late, knowing them. No one's here to rescue you from your fate."

Maeve flopped around like a fish out of water in despair. 

"Are you going to plaster me with pretend alcohol all evening? Is this really how it's gonna go?"

"When I get bored we can move on to e cigars and coriander hash brownies," Jin yawned, sipping her drink with an evil grin that countered the festive paper umbrella.

"I just want a juice box," Maeve pretend sobbed, sitting up. She took a sneaky sip and keeled over again. 

***

They spent another hour arguing about what movie to watch, before finally needing to settle for nature documentaries. Jin was disgusted. Maeve was thrilled. 

"You'll love this one, there's a rotting whale with worm fishes-"

"Bitch," Jin groaned, already tipsy enough to bully Maeve when no one else had the courage.