Weakness

19| 'My Fucking Karma.'

I had to take a deep breath, I remember the words wise women told me. "Don't read into something you know isn't going to work, but don't go down without a fight." You know whats crazy, I went to a fortune teller before this trip, and thats what she said to me. I should've known.

"The number of things you did for me." I sound like a fucking petty bitch. Someone tell me to shut up right now.

"It was all fake?" My vision getting blury, this. hurts.

It hurts. So bad.

"Ugh! I can't Matteo, here I thought I can put my walls down." For once I trusted someone after everything that happened, I trust someone. I don't do that ever.

But it seems like everytime I do that, it gets me 10 steps backwards. I just can't believe he made me feel this way knowing that when he all get back he is just going to leave. I swear if he pulls that bullshit where it's like it's not you it's be time beat. I'm going to lose it.

I walk to him and pointed to my chest "It hurts." I shook my head, "You know."

"But as soon as I think I can trust someone they just stab me in the back again and again and again." Starting to think I can never be happy.

I let the tears fall at this moment. I don't care any more.

"S-so" My voice cracking, "What Dante is doing this to Sara as we speak?"

He is just looking at his feet.

"I knew it." I am angry. "I just knew this was too good to be true."

"The number of times, I think I feel happy I'm not."

I put my hand on my head and wiped the tears off my face. "God this is just like deja vu all over again."

"My fucking Karma." I let my lip tremble.

I shouldn't jump to conclusions. "At least tell me why?" I look at him and cleared my vision, I don't want to be that type of person that just gets mad but this is how I am right now, but I need to know why.

"I get it that you're leaving but why?" I have to ask.

He looks down at me finally making eye contact.

"Be in the car in 5 or we will leave without you." That was all he said then he walked out.

I started to ball my eyes out. "What the fuck." I sat down and put my hands in my legs. This is what I get. I sucked in a breath.

Am I not good enough?

I guess I don't deserve happiness.

Then. I decided to be a BAD BITCH.

I walked to the SUV and looked out the window not looking at anyone, the whole ride was dead. No one spoke to anyone, you even heard the GPS.

I wasn't thinking about myself, I was thinking about Sara. Her and Dante had something deeper than me and Matteo had.

Her head rests on my shoulder and I wanted to look but I didn't.

DING

the saddest bitch: you okay?

you: I guess

the saddest bitch: don't let this affect you. okay?

you: ok

the saddest bitch: don't shut me out again okay?

you: yea

the saddest bitch: you know I love you right?

I let out a breathless laugh.

You: I love you too

I left Sara's chat and scrolled through my latest text messages. A message came through I taped on it.

God: I'm sorry Sandy. :(

You: It's fine.

God: I'll miss you.

I logged out of the chat and shut my phone off, My phone kept Vibrating.

God: Sandy?

God: You know you in front of me and I can see that you're ignoring me.

God: I didn't do anything...

God: I'm going to cry.

God: Answer?

God: Sandy?

God: Natalia?

Unknown: I'll miss you Sandy

I wiped the tear that threatens to fall, I put Sara's head on my lap and continued to look out the window.

At least I have Sara

___________________________

A/N

Hey Guys my back hurts still! I think I'm going to take a long ass break from this book. Or maybe not.

"Goodbye Jack"

xoxoxo Gossip Girl.