Deception

Chapter 8

*TW* this chapter contains talk of self-harm and suicidal thoughts

Niall's POV

I tapped my foot nervously on the carpeted floor while gazing around the high ceiling room. The sturdy wooden chair I was slouched in was making my backache, as I went to sit myself up properly, I heard the doors behind me open and I snapped my head around to see Claire walk in briefcase in hand.

Her long, greying blonde hair swayed as she made eye contact with me, the startling hazelnut brown eyes never failed to send a chill down my spine. "Well Niall" she began as she seated herself in a chair behind the mahogany desk in front of me, on the desk lay a pen pot, a photo frame with a picture of a brown-haired, brown-eyed young girl that strikingly resembled Claire herself and a neat stack of paperwork beside Claire's crossed arms. No matter how many times I visited this bleak office with bookshelves all along the walls it never felt less intimidating.

"Tell me everything about the night in the bar" she said arms still crossed patiently, I swallowed before recounting everything from that night I could remember.

"So, you are sure one of the men was in fact Stephen?" she questioned once I had finished, "yes definitely, I would recognise him anywhere" I reply.

 "And you are positive it wasn't a normal robbery?" she questioned further while scribbling something down onto a piece of paper, "yes I mean why would Stephen being involved in a simple old robbery? But all the men there were confident with what they were doing, like prying open the cashier and waving their guns around for people to stay down. But they kept glancing at each other looking almost worried, Stephen was the only one who looked unphased, but his eyes kept sweeping the crowd, as if he were, I don't know... looking for someone maybe?" I finish with a sigh.

She glances at me before taking a minute to write more things down, undoubtedly, to see if my story matched the rest of the boys. "Ok thank you Niall you can go "she replied briskly, I nodded before making my way out the security guarded doors and down the tunnel to my left.

When I reached the ladder, I scanned my ring and a patch of light opened above my head, a climbed up the ladder and out of the bunker to stand in the warm breeze as the sun set in front of me.

 I sealed the circle hatch door before checking the cost was clear from behind the big oak tree beside the small bunker door and when I saw the football pitch separating the pitches from the college campus, I began my trek across the now dewy grass.

Isla's POV

"Sarah open up" I shout while banging on Sarah's dorm room door, "I'm coming ok ok!" I heard her shout back from inside and I felt my stomach flip in relief. "Thank god" Elena exclaimed from behind me, "amen" I reply and we both laugh at our messed-up humour.

The door then swung open to revel a tired and frazzled looking Sarah, I straightaway get engulfed in her arms and smile at the quick embrace from her and I feel Elena's arms snake around me and Sarah, so we are all hugging.

 "What happened to you?!" Sarah questions as we follow her into her room "long story" I say back, "where were you I didn't see you at any of the lectures today?" I ask while sitting on the end of her bed. I look out to see unlike us Sarah has a balcony, the sky was a pinky purplish colour and looked picturesque.

"Oh, uh I just woke up late and uh didn't feel too good, I went out drinking last night so just a bad hangover I think" she says back while handing me a coke which I decline. "Well tomorrow's Tuesday so we all don't have a lot of lectures tomorrow, so I say we go shopping" Elena says, "I mean I'm down" I reply with a laugh and Sarah nods in agreement before saying "me too".

I find my self zoning out of the conversation as I start to again stare out at the small balcony containing only a table and two chairs with the slowly darkening sky, "hey uh I'm just going to go out the balcony for a minute to get some air" I say to them not waiting for a response as I make my way outside.

As soon as I pull back the door the cold evening air hits me, it is only 7pm but the breeze is still freezing. I hug my zip-up grey sweatshirt closer around me as my legs feel exposed in just the plain black leggings, I had only left the hospital yesterday evening and was not feeling up to dressing someway nice today.

(play song at low volume to get a better feel for the scene and atmosphere)

I hear a song I had never heard before start playing out of one of the windows nearby, it was peaceful to hear the slow song and I made a mental note to try find out the name somehow. I quietly shuffle over to the railing before deciding to pull the small square table up against the rail then sitting up on it, I dangle my legs over the railing.

I look over to my left and do a double take when I see Niall standing against the railing two balconies over, cigarette in mouth as per usual. He looks gorgeous as always, his tousled bleached blonde hair was swaying in the wind and his plain grey sweatshirt made his biceps prominent even in the dim light.

I quickly looked back at my hanging feet so he would not see me staring, then the thought of what would happen if I fell or jumped decided to cross my mind.

I had struggled in the past with suicidal thoughts and self-harm mainly over not knowing why I was here feeling unimportant and just not seeing the point in living. When my mother left me and I was left to grow up with my grandmother life was hard ,we had enough money and she was kind to me but the fact my mother had left with no reason or known cause always made me feel as though it was my fault, I still think it is even though I try to convince myself it is not but part of me will always blame me.

 I was only 10 when I started thinking about what would happen if I committed suicide, if I just took myself out of this world then I could finally feel nothing and be at peace. I have tried more than once but at the last second would think, not about how it would affect my family and friends because I have always thought that is nearly trying to guilt you into not doing it just with the fact, they would then feel your pain, but I guess it did contribute to me not doing it. But the main thing that stopped me was the thought, I have so much to live for, my life may be dull right now and there may seem to be no light but then I would think I still have to travel the world, meet new amazing people, experience the wildlife of the world and simpler things like watching the stars, swimming in the sea at sunrise and meeting my soulmate.

But it did not stop me from sometimes losing hope, I would have depressive phases where I would cut myself in order to feel relief from the pain and hopelessness I was feeling, not even Elena ever knew I felt like this sometimes.

I shook my head trying to rid it of the dark thoughts of my past while swinging my legs back to the balcony. I gazed out at the still stunning sky and thought about how many other people across the world are doing this right now, whether it morning or night for them, whether they are young or old, feeling happy, sad or at peace.

I tilted my head back and closed my eyes letting the thoughts of how vast and beautiful the world is take over my mind. I felt calm, not happy nor sad, just calm.

 I made eye contact with Niall's piercing blue eyes on my way inside and they provided me with a sense of peace nearly, it was calming almost.

"I'm going to bed I'm tired" I say quickly to the girls while I pick up my phone off the bed, Elena gives me a worried look, but nods and Sarah pulls me into an embrace before whispering "goodnight" to me. I give her a small smile before making my way back to my room.

Hey guys it's been awhile sorry for not being active, hope you enjoyed this chapter it was a bit hard to write but also kinda brought me to a sense of peace too.

Just a side note but to anyone reading this struggling with self-harm or suicidal thoughts just know you are not alone and my dms are always open if you need to talk to me about anything at all<3

Stay strong ~ Mia