Up In Flames

Chapter 4

Happy laid completely still, the gentle snoring from the bassinet and Rory's body against his was sending him into overload. Carefully he wriggled out from under her and tiptoed into the living room where he got dressed in silence. There was nothing that could change the awkward vulnerability and fear he felt now that he knew Emma existed he just didn't know how to deal with it. This was why he never wanted children and why if he thought about the decision to abort, he probably would have changed his mind. Happy kept his dark, freakish side as a cover, a protective layer. He refused pain by pushing most of the light from his life away. It started filtering in with Rory and now, since seeing that baby, he felt a spotlight shining around him.

--

When Rory opened her eyes a few hours later Happy was gone. It was the last thing she expected to find and it was completely crushing. Holding herself together, just barely, she crawled out of bed and into the kitchen before Emma woke again. She'd been used for sex once before, but it didn't hurt the way Happy's disappearance had. She assumed she deserved it, that it served her right for what he had done to him.

Breaking down on the couch, she sobbed into a swaddling blanket. Her body shook violently as she cried over not only her loss but Emma's as well. "Stupid bitch," she said harshly. "I shouldn't have ran. Shit, I did this. I'm so sorry Ems; Mommy ruined your relationship with your dad before you were even born."

Her stomach churning didn't stop her from brewing coffee from the small bag of groceries she purchased. Rory cried, albeit with less force, as she tried to make sense of her thoughts and plan her next move. Going back to Oregon seemed so depressing, pathetic. Maybe she'd go somewhere else, start fresh but she couldn't help feeling as if she was giving up something she wasn't ready to yet.

--

"Hey brother." Jax greeted a Happy warmly as he sulked into the clubhouse. "Guess it didn't go well last night?"

"I'm fine." He grunted helping himself to coffee from behind the bar. "It's a fucked up situation."

"No doubt." He agreed. "Is she staying?"

"I don't know what's happening. I'm good, really." Happy wanted Jax to believe him but he didn't.

"Alright, you need anything just let me know."

Happy nodded and sucked down the scalding hot liquid. When he left, he didn't think of anything but getting out of that damn apartment but he knew she'd be upset and that nagged at him now. Looking up from his coffee, he watched the exchange between Tara, Gemma and Jax while Abel sat happily in his father's arms. Happy didn't want that, he didn't think he did, but Happy kept finding his thoughts drifting to Rory and Emma.

"Hey Jax," Happy called out as the girls left with Abel. "When you first had Abel, what was that like?"

"He was sick, it was uhh, fucking scary. I kept my distance but obviously, I came around. I never wanted that kid, I told Wendy that too but now, there's no one I love more."

That just made Happy's situation harder. He didn't want to that, he wanted to hear how easy it was but clearly, it was just as intense as he imagined. "Alright, thanks man."

"Wait," Jax lowered his voice. "Did she have a baby?" Happy dropped his head and kept his eyes to the floor. "Oh shit, brother."

"She said she'll leave, she doesn't need help or anything she just wanted me to know."

Looking around conspiratorially Jax nodded, knowing Happy's dilemma. "Don't let her go. I think you'll regret it, brother. It's one thing if they were never born but you saw it, right?"

"Her." Happy corrected.

"Aw shit. Yeah brother, you need to do something about that. I mean, you do what you want, but if Wendy took my kid away, well you know what I went through to get Abel back form the Irish."