The Navigator

21. Master and Commander

He took a steadying breath, his mind turning in a million directions, a ball of uncontrolled momentum that spun endlessly into the starry abyss. Addy had reclaimed herself, establishing once again that she was master and commander of her own destiny and he was unable to avoid the pathetic hope that this wouldn't be the only order she gave him going forward. He also felt an incredible amount of relief, not only would he no longer have to worry over the safety of his once love, but his access to his daughter had probably just increased greatly.

His mind wandered over the happy moments he had dared to imagine, a breakfast prepared with his own hands and shared with the women of his life. The telling of highly amended yet true stories in a small room before bed, the switching off of lights and patting of a sleepy head. The even deeper secret daydreams of light play between him and the toddlers mother, the back and forth of toothless teasing culminating in deep kisses that left them both bereft of breath and shaking.

He splashed himself out of such fantasies with cold water on his hot skin, reprimanding himself over such thoughts. His focus should be on Addy, and her state of mind, he couldn't be the support she needed if he was thinking about such things. Getting her out, getting her safe that is what mattered today. Nothing else, only her. He would give her time to recover, feel better before thrusting the depth of his feelings and failings on her. Apologizing for all the past hurts and damages he was responsible for, to do so now would be selfish.

He dressed, picking up his utility belt before forcing himself to place it back down. It was painful to do so, commit to this room for even just the day, trust it with his only valuables. More frightening than he liked to admit, but he managed it, even choosing to leave behind his duster. Feeling very proud of himself as he slipped his satchel over his head. No reason to push the progress he had made.

***

Jax arrived at a busy scene, Brooke having already arrived with boxes in tow. Where she got them, he wasn't sure, but he wouldn't have been surprised if he found out she had been hoarding them in anticipation for this very occurrence. Both women were haphazardly throwing Addy's belongings into the containers, but mostly the items seemed to belong to Gemma. Who he saw, was watching TV in the main room, idly batting at Pretty who was still flitting about her head.

He headed straight for her, settling down on the floor next to her back against the couch, taking a measure of her mood in all the chaos.

"Hey Gemmie, how're you doing, are you hungry?"

The little girl looked up at him, and used his sleeve to pull herself standing then plop herself indelicately onto his groin. He reacted instinctively, lifting her up and away as he jerked his knees up to protect himself with a grunt of pain. He could hear a certain dark haired Aunty snicker at his discomfort and he made a silent promise to balance the books with her soon. He wasn't sure how, but she would leave an opening sometime.

Addy reacted too, but in a much different way. She kneeled next to him, a soft hand on his shoulder, the other supporting Gemma as he remained frozen, letting the pain fade.

"You ok Jax? I'm glad you're here, even if we're almost done."

"Did I take that long? I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner." He tried to keep his eyes on Gemma who was back to playing with Pretty now that Jax wasn't being very interesting.

"Oh, no. Not much that is here is mine so it was never going to take very long, besides I can't begrudge you a shower."

Jax did look then, quizzical. Addy laughed, understanding his question.

"Your hair is still wet!" She released his shoulder to twirl a damp lock between her fingers. "I haven't been able to tell you, but I like it this way. It adds to the whole mysterious vibe you put off much better then when it was short."