I cried again and again.....it was a never ending cycle. What would you feel when you stayed and loved a person wholeheartedly until you witness him slowly falling out of love? Yeah, that's exactly what im experiencing right now. He had become cold to me and never gave me the same affection he expressed back then.
I know beomgyu better than anyone else and i know he wouldn't cheat on me. He always expressed that cheaters we're the weakest link. I agree but even if he wasn't cheating seeing him slowly fall out of love made me depressed and thought "am i not enough? am i that bad that he doesn't love me anymore?"
I can't do this anymore.... if he doesn't love me anymore then what would be the purpose of living? I stepped on the chair and put the rope around my neck sobbing and savoring my memories with him..... and i jumped
𝑩𝒆𝒐𝒎𝒈𝒚𝒖 𝑷.𝑶.𝑽
It's true, im falling out of love because i just didn't feel the same way i did before when i was with her. I don't cheat and that's important i may not love her the same way i used to but that doesn't mean i'll cheat on her. I think she knows it too already and i'd be lying if i said i didn't feel guilty. She lost her smile and it kind of hurt that the reason was me.
I stepped in the house and was greeted by silence. That was unusual since she'd come greet me with a peck on the cheek and help set my things down. My heartbeat was beating very fast for some reason and i got even more worried when i called out and got no response.
I sigh and set my things down and go to our bedroom. I turned the doorknob and was shocked to see her there hanging. I was paralyzed i couldn't breathe seeing the love of my life hanging because of me. With tears flowing down my eyes like a waterfall, i immediately rushed to her and untied the rope around her neck while bawling.
I put my finger on her wrists to check her pulse and sighed in relief that there was still a pulse although it was really slow so i messily called the ambulance and waited for them to come. "love, im so sorry p-please stay for me i know im so dumb and just an idiot for making you feel unloved but i l-love you please please" i cried out kissing her forehead repeatedly while rocking her body back and forth.
𝙏𝙄𝙈𝙀𝙎𝙆𝙄𝙋~~
𝑹𝒚𝒖𝒋𝒊𝒏 𝑷.𝑶.𝑽
I opened my eyes adjusting to the sunlight coming from the window until i realized "im alive....no..." I looked around and felt something heavy on my hand and i saw beomgyu sleeping uncomfortably. "why would he save me? he doesn't love me anymore" I gently tap him to wake him and he immediately shot his eyes wide open and look at me with worry in his eyes......weird.
𝑩𝒆𝒐𝒎𝒈𝒚𝒖 𝑷.𝑶.𝑽
I felt someone tap me and when i realized it i shot my eyes open and see her alive...that's all the things that mattered. Unknowingly tears made their ways out of my eyes and hug her while sobbing loudly. She pushed me away which made me sad. "why did you save me? y-you should have just left me to die. W-WHY MUST I SUFFER SEEING YOU SLOWLY FALLING OUT OF LOVE? WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS WHEN ALL I EVER DID WAS LOVE YOU!!" she screamed.
We we're both crying hard and i shook my head a no. She looks at me coldly but i didn't care i would tell her how much i wanted her to stay whether she likes it or not. "im gonna admit that i fell out of love....but i was dumb. These past few days of seeing you here in danger made me think about all the times we spent together.
It made me realize i was the problem it was never you....I thought i was getting annoyed by how you always nagged me and scolded me but the truth is it was the reason why i stayed because you we're worried for my well-being it was the little things ryujin, the little things that i was too dumb to notice. When you weren't here scolding me for the things i did wrong,
Everything around me felt wrong. You we're always there to help me and i couldn't notice it, instead i treated you like this it's all my f-fault im so sorry. I felt out of love but my love for you is back and the feelings are stronger than ever. So please.....p-please give me a chance to show you how much i love you. To fill the spaces i discarded."
I let it all out telling her everything i wanted to tell. We we're both bawling until i felt her arms around me. I hugged her back so tightly afraid that she'll be gone once i let go. I couldn't believe i felt out of love when all i ever needed was this girl in my arms. I almost lost her for a stupid and dumb mistake but i promise that it won't happen again.
𝑹𝒚𝒖𝒋𝒊𝒏 𝑷.𝑶.𝑽
I felt overwhelmed when beomgyu shared his feelings. I love him so much and i couldn't last a single second knowing we aren't going to have a future together.I hugged him so tightly and he hugged back too. "im s-sorry, i hurt myself im s-so sorry" i cried out. "no ryujin shhh it's not your fault okay? it was mine and me only. I promise i won't let go of you again.. it was an idiotic mistake but now i love you even more and that's all that matters. I love you so much" he said and pulled out from the hug and wiped my tears as we smiled at each other.
𝙏𝙄𝙈𝙀𝙎𝙆𝙄𝙋~~
𝑩𝒆𝒐𝒎𝒈𝒚𝒖 𝑷.𝑶.𝑽
It's been one month after that incident happened and i took a break from work just to take care of ryujin since she needed time to recover from the trauma. She was fully healed now as we walked through the park with ice cream on our hand while holding hands and smiling.
This was just perfect. If what i feel right now is love then maybe i had no idea what love is before. Day by day i just fall for her even deeper. That incident i believe was a blessing to both of us even if we both suffered it was the reason why i got to realize how important she was. I was the happiest man alive with the girl that i love by my side and i'll forever cherish her.
