Breathe

Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning and walked downstairs. My arm was now raw from all the cuts and nail digging. I just hated myself and that's how I dealt with it. I slowly walked down the stairs and sat on the couch. No one seemed to be home so I went into the kitchen in hopes of a note of some sort. There was nothing. I then grabbed my phone and sat back on the couch. I had 3 messages.

Mom: Hey sweetie! Your dad and I are going out for the day! Have a good day at school! See you when you get home!

Cam: What are you wearing today?

Will: Missed you at the study session last night! See you in a few!

I didn't respond to any of them. No body knew. That was the worse part. I'm drowning and no one..no one knows or cares. I'll never tell anyone. At all. I then went upstairs and put on some skinny jeans,a random long sleeved shirt and scarf,and my brown combat boots. I brushed my long brown hair and just left it. Applied the usual makeup and left. It was raining. But I like rain. I deserved to be rained on. I approached the building and I soon as I walked in, all eyes were on me. I looked to my right and there plastered on every single locker was a picture of me from last year. That was when the cutting started. I had braces,I wore two ponytails every day,and I wore glasses. People made fun of me everyday. On the picture of me there were words like: loser,fake,ugly,stupid,and worthless. As I stood there frozen laughter started to erupt from the mouths of people I thought forgot about that time. My body grew shaky and hot. Tears formed in the rims of my eyes. I don't normally cry. But this time it wasn't just from the laughter, it was from everything. Everything that I kept inside from all those years. I ran into the bathroom. Never wanting to breathe again. I took out the blade and cut. It was the most and deepest I'd ever done before. I bled really really hard. It seemed like everything was just..coming out. I laid on the floor and just cried. Cameron soon ran in asking me question like "What happened?!" "Are you ok?!" It was at that moment that I thought it was over. I thought I was dead. But I wasn't. But I wanted to be. Cameron stopped talking and just picked me up,cleaned the blood off of my arm,wrapped it,and pulled my sleeve down. She then drove me home. As I stepped out of the car I looked back at my worried friend who knew nothing of my cutting and said,"Thank you." I closed the car door,opened the front door,walked upstairs,and laid in my bed. Feeling the most hatred towards myself then ever before.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I'm waking for the chapter that ill write where ill end up crying. Sorry if this is getting too intense. It ends ok I promise! Thanks for all the reads! Love you guys! -Berkley