The Halls of Westwood [BxB]

Chapter 33

"Day by day, day by day... Oh dear lord, three things I pray. To see thee more clearly. Love thee more dearly. Follow thee more nearly... Day by day"

Beau smiled to himself, allowing the warmth of the air and Lukas to comfort him. Lukas always loved those old church songs... He had nearly talked Beau into joining the church's choir with him. But Beau had refused and Lukas wouldn't do anything without Beau by his side. The two were attached at the hip... Beau didn't just miss Lukas as his boyfriend or lover... He missed him as his best friend since he was old enough to know what a best friend was.

There weren't a lot of perfect moments in the world, but Beau and Lukas had a few. Dancing in the barn as Lukas sang along to an Elvis song... Taking photos in a cheap arcade... Kissing in the hay room as they talked about their future... But this wasn't one of them. This never happened... Beau and Lukas never did more than hold hands in prayer at church. They wouldn't have ever been stupid enough to so openly be together there...

Beau lifted his head up and turned to face Lukas. Was he really getting better? Maybe he was in so much denial at this point and so desperate for Lukas that he was beginning to make things up...

"This never happened" Beau whispered.

"I know" Lukas hummed. He grabbed the dahlia from Beau and carefully held it up to inspect it.

"Am I going crazy?"

"Far from it" Lukas chuckled. He twirled the flower in his fingers for a few more moments before a small smile reached his lips. "I love these..." He whispered.

"Lukas" Beau cut in. "Please just focus... I'm not ready to say goodbye... I want to talk to you" he knew this was just a dream. He knew this was just his subconscious reaching out to him... But he desperately wanted to believe that this was Lukas. That Lukas was safe in heaven... That he had found a way to say goodbye.

"You already said goodbye to me" Lukas mumbled.

"Don't say that"

"You did... A long time ago... You accepted the fact that you couldn't have me years ago, Beau" Lukas sighed. He finally looked down at his gorgeous boy and carefully ran his fingers through his copper hair, styling it the way he knew Beau liked it.

"That was different" Beau snapped. "That was before everything... And I accepted that I couldn't have you... Not that you wouldn't be here"

"Look at yourself, Sunshine" Lukas chuckled. "You're living the life you wanted, are you not? Before this Summer you wanted to move away from Tennessee... You're in Washington. You wanted to meet a nice boy and move on from me... You've done one heck of a job there"

"That was then" Beau felt a tear slip down his cheek. "That was before... Before I knew I could have you. We were supposed to go away together, Lukas. What happened to that?" Beau demanded.

"I like him" Lukas ignored Beau's previous statement. "He's good to you, Beau... You always knew it wouldn't be me. Didn't you?"

"Yes," Beau whispered. "But I thought we'd still be us... We'd still be best friends. I thought we'd go off and live our separate lives and come together on holidays. I thought I'd be your best man at your wedding... I- I thought..." Beau trailed off as a quick sob overtook him. "What the hell... Why am I even talking to you? You aren't real"

"Don't curse" Lukas sighed. "You know I hate that" Beau nodded and wiped his cheeks despite feeling a little frustrated.

"I don't want to leave you" he whispered. "I want to stay here... With you"