Sarawat's Story

Part XIV: Confessions, Cookies, and Cupcakes

Green laughed loudly. "I know a little bit," he smiled coyly. "I know Tine helped you get home Wednesday night when you hurt yourself on the field. I know you two went to that music festival on campus Thursday evening. I know about the picture on Instagram on Friday, and I know you and Tine were together at the end of the game Saturday." Green moved a pan of cookies to the table, picked up a frosting bag, and began drawing intricate designs of white frosting on each cookie. "So what am I missing?" he asked without looking up from his work.

For ten minutes, I talked nonstop as I stirred the cake batter. I confirmed most of what Green already knew, and I filled in the blanks with as much as I could remember. I was excited, and I could hardly catch my breath as I spoke. I beamed with excitement, my skin feeling warm.

Green playfully pushed my shoulder with his free hand. "I told you that you'd be able to charm Tine."

A lump began to form in my throat after Green's words, and my mouth tasted dry. The eagerness I felt when I was telling Green everything that had happened crumbled as I remembered how anxious Tine had been around me that morning. I sighed as I placed the bowl of cake batter on the table. Hesitantly, I said, "I don't know what to do now."

Green looked up from the cookie he was decorating. "What?"

I stared down at the table. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do to get Tine to be comfortable around me," I reiterated.

"What are you talking about?" Green asked, a hint of amusement in his voice. He reached over and grabbed the bowl of cake batter, then took it over to the counter. He poured it into a pan as I spoke.

"This morning, Tine was so nervous around me, " I sighed, "it made me nervous. He said he didn't know what we are supposed to do next, which made me realize I don't know what to do either." I grabbed an undecorated cookie and took a bite out of it before Green could object. "I'm afraid I'll push him away," I confessed.

Green's face became serious. He put the pan of cake batter into the oven, then walked back to the table. "Sarawat," he said, "it's okay to feel anxious and nervous. Everyone has anxiety at the start of their relationship. You are not feeling anything that hasn't been felt by anyone who has fallen in love."

I frowned. "But it's not just my anxiety," I countered. "Tine is so nervous around me. I make him uncomfortable."

Green crossed his arms on his chest and sat back in his chair. "Honey," he began, "you have to remember: Tine's comfort should take priority over everything else. If he is uncomfortable, he will push you away, or he'll run away. It's just going to take some time to get used to each other and to get used to your feelings. You've had a year to get used to the idea of being in love with a guy. He's only had a few days to accept and admit how he feels about you."

"It's been more than two weeks since we met, though," I shot back. "And he's slept over at my place twice. He should be comfortable, right.

Green shook his head. "You're so impatient," he remarked. "Let me ask you something: what is Tine's favorite food?"

I stared blankly at Green. "What?"

"What are his hobbies? What are his interests?" Green leaned forward. "Why does he want to be a lawyer? Who is in his family? Who are his best friends? Has he ever dated anyone?"

"I don't know!" I scoffed. "I don't know that stuff."

"Exactly!" Green replied. "You've been so focused on Tine romantically that you don't know the basics about him. Does he know your favorite food? Your favorite movie? Why you're a Poly Sci major? Does he know any of that?"

I shrugged. "That stuff doesn't matter. Tine and I are friends."

"No, you aren't," Green said, matter-of-factly. "You like each other romantically. But if you want love, you have to know who he is as a person. Anyone can like someone. It takes work to love someone. It takes work to be with someone." Green's voice wavered a bit, and he stood up and grabbed a pan of cupcakes to begin frosting. His face relaxed as he began sliding vanilla frosting on each one. He even smiled a little.