𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 ✔︎

||16||

A/N: It resembles the day in first chapter,after their marriage when Bilal left. sentences in italian means Bilal is writing those in the letter.

It was the night before I had to leave for operation abandoning Husna and Ma. I sat under the table lamp with a weeping heart. Silence echoed our room. Few hours were left to uncurtain the sky with sunlights of darkness. I had to leave,anyhow and somehow. I had only left one letter to write ,the consequence and conclusion I would be giving Husna before leaving. There were more than words swimming in my vessels that time. I couldn't put my emotions in that thin ink of a pen and scribbled on the taupe colored paper. I breathed heavily,had a glance at Husna who was lost in the land of dreams.

Dear Husna,

Agreed,I was so tactless to leave you behind. My selfness might have hurted you in the depths.Incohesive of my deeds,will you ever forgive me?

I breathed heavily,my finger frozened there,at the end of the word 'me'. How foolish I was asking forgiveness from her? What if she never read this letter?

Still,I continued.

I know I will be living in pain leaving you here but what can I do with that now I have taken the audacity to fulfill the duty of an army,I have to. I am ensuring all your provisions here. Inn Sha Allah you will be fine with your and Ma's needs. But will you leave my Ma because of loneliness? The loneliness I will be drenching you in? It will be tough for you. Nevertheless just don't forsake me just for the love I store in my heart.

I stopped again,that numbness was gobbling my fingers in and out. The pen fell from the tips of my fingers. Tears strated streaming there with no bound. Thankfully,they were full of silence and solace. I again looked at her, sleeping at the same innocent way divinely. Something inside me crumbled thinking how much it would ache her heart when she would read this words. Those were no less than emotional blackmail. But I was out of choice. I picked the pen,and finally wrote the conclusion,the conclusion that would have buried a seed of hope inside her heart. I wished it.

I don't know how long this operation is going to held. But there's a chance for it to end in one year or more. But the deadliest fear is,If Allah has written it in my fate, I will have to die for my country. Yes, I may never come back. Maybe I will never see you neither you will see me. I thought Death would be the easiest choice for me to escape this helplessness. But then,Ma was holding onto me. After her,there might have no reason for me to live except Allah. But now,Husna,you have become one more reason behind my desire of breathing in this world. I deeply wish to do so. Unaware of how irregular this is of me, I want you beside me forever. Please, don't leave even after I am not breathing. Ain't I asking too much? Forgive me for burdening you. Allah knows from when I have become so selfish.

Selfish? I was indeed one for Husna. But had you seen me in the opposite side of mirror? I was blanked and lost. Just like the back of mirror doesn't reflect,I had hidden my sacrifices and agonies inside a hard cage. This long,I had been giving my everything for my mother. All the sacrifices made me feel worthy of God's kindness. But then? I was the one to take back that worth from Husna. That time,she was the one to hold the pain and I shared it too.

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