Hate At First Sight | MCND | Hiatus

2 일째 | Day 2

⚠=suicidal thoughts warning⚠
(count:1)

Seongja's POV

Seongjun had ended up sleeping over so I had take Win with me to school. Usually Seongjun leaves early, takes Win with him and lets me sleep in a little longer. But Seongjun isn't here so I have to take him.

I release a heavy sigh when I walk into the kitchen and find Win eating with a plate in front of him and one next to him. Win points at it then me, I made you breakfast. Seongjun tells me things about you since you didn't want to talk or see me. He tells me in our heads. Guilt washes over me when he told me.
"I'm sorry." He nods, understanding.

I take my seat next to him.
"Slept well?" I nodded to Win's question. Did you? Yeah. A comfortable silence wash over us, and we ate in that silence. It was nice to know I didn't have open my mouth to talk to him, but I still don't like the fact that he can hear some of my thoughts. I'm just scared that I might accidentally let him in my thoughts without knowing and have him judge me or use it against me. I'm just terrified by this whole situation.

The ride to school was quiet. I drove this time and we took turn on playing music again. Car rides seems to be the only time where we can just put everything on pause and forget about the world.

I dropped Win off in front of the school and parked the car. That way we don't walk in at the same time. People at our school have a tendency to make mountains out of mole hills when it come to two people, who aren't family members, walk in together. Which is bullshittery, but I digress.

~
Morning classes finish up fast and lunch starts with students sighing in relief. I walk to the roof with my earphones in and my bag across my body. I open the roof door to find a figure, sitting at the lone table.
"Who are you and how did you find this place?" I walk to the table as I question the human. They turn to me with a smug look. Win. Hi, Ja~ I roll my eyes at the boy's loving tone in my head.

"Win, why are you here?" This was the only place I could relax during school, but it seems like it now has been taken away from me.
"I came to see my soulmate." This triggered me for some reason.
"Shut it. Someone could hear." I scold him, taking the seat across from him. "Listen, this place is mine. This is the only place my thoughts can stop. I can't even sleep without them running through my head. So please, leave and let my rest." His face drops into a somber look.

"I'm sorry. I just want to be the person you can go to when you just need a hug. Without you having to worry about me judging you." I want to say thank you, but it gets stuck in my throat. Thank you. "You're welcome. I'll see you during class, Ja." He gives me a hopeful smile and walks away.

My mind racing a million kmph. Does he like me? Should I ease up on him? Should I give him a chance? What will he think of me? Will he think I'm weak? Will he think im over reacting? Will he tell Seongjun? Will he tell the other? Can I trust? Why should I trust him? Could he help me be better?
"I need to get out of my head." ⚠First thought was to jump off the building, but that wasn't a very good solution.⚠ I want to live to make my parents and Seongjun proud. I blast some music through my earphones and my mind finally calms down.

~
After school, I took Win home. Seongjun saw that we were getting along, and wanted us to spend as much time as we could together to make up for time lost.
"Glad you've finally loosen up." Seongjun says through my phone.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm still a bit wariy. It's just a sudden shift in our relationship. He just studdenly starts being teasing yet nice to me out of nowhere. So I guess you could say I'm just a bit scared." Unsure of the words to use, I try to put my thoughts into words.
"You're being cautious. That's perfectly okay. Just know when to open up. When something is weighting you down or your thought are draining you, talk to anyone or anything. It'll help." I nod.
"Okay, I'll see you once you get here." We hang up and I plug in my phone to charge.

I'm sitting in my room with the only light source being my fairy lights decorating the walls. Your room says a lot about your external self. When you see my room at face value, you think that I am a happy person with all the bright colors decorating my walls and bed. But look closer and you notice my walls are dark blue. The color is used to brighten up the room to make it seem happier, when in reality it could make you feel small and in darkness. The color in my room helps me not get sucked into that darkness. Just barely hiding it from people.

I walk out of the stuffy room and go to our living room. I make a sandwich and watch whatever is airing right now. Win comes a bit later while I'm spacing out. Ja, you okay? I nod at the younger.
"Just thinking." He nods and takes the seat next to me. I'll wait for to tell me. I look at the boy with slight smile, thankful for him. Thank you, Win. The rest of time with eat in silence. Seongjun joins and we end up talking about whatever is going on at Seongjun's college.

"Oh Jun, Win, Vincento updated two days ago. Wanna watch?" The two boy nod and we focus out attention to the screen. I look at the two boy staring at the screen. I'm grateful to have amazing people in my life. I just need to try and talk to them more often about my feelings. I sigh and place my head on Seongjun's shoulder. The show starts and we end our days with each other.

I just hope my mind will get better.