ocean eyes | m. mount

nine

* this chapter mentions pregnancy and fertility issues for women. please keep this in mind as you read. thanks for all of your support so far; it means everything <3 *

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"Declan," I could barely speak between my hyperventilating breaths. "Declan, I think I'm pregnant."

"What? Why?" It was early. I had no idea what time he was supposed to be training, or even if he was training today, because I was still half asleep. I woke up, my body feeling weak and totally abnormal, and I remembered that I'd not had a period for six weeks. Everything was such a blur to me. I kept track of my periods, and they were usually irregular, but this was the longest I'd gone without one. Typically, they came earlier than I expected rather than late. My periods came more often than the average girl, but I'd just come to live with that.

"Your periods are usually irregular though, what if it's just that?" Declan knew that I wanted to have children, but not yet. I didn't feel ready yet. When I was ready, we would have that discussion, and we would try.

"I'm not sure," I spoke through tears, feeling scared at the thought of having a baby inside of me. "Can you come over please? And get some tests on your way?"

"Of course, baby," I knew he was still in bed, but at my words, I heard him kick the sheets away from his legs as he rushed to the bathroom. "I won't be long, I'll brush my teeth and change, then I'll be on my way. Don't worry about anything, okay?"

"Please don't be long." My voice was shaking, as I sat in the bathroom beside the toilet, in fear that I was about to empty the contents of my stomach. I didn't feel well at all, and I wasn't sure if it was because I was actually ill, or because I was pregnant.

I buried my face between my knees as I cried softly against my skin. I just didn't feel like myself anymore, and that didn't feel good. Everything was going from bad to worse for me, and I didn't know how to cope with that, mentally. Once upon a time, I was happy with myself, and with the life I'd created. That was before I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend. I couldn't forgive myself for what I was doing to Declan. I wanted to cut ties with Mason. Declan was too important to me to just let go. He gave me everything. He was beautiful. Some people didn't see it, but I did, because I knew his heart and his soul better than anyone else. Declan deserved better than me because I was a lying, cheating scum who only stuck around because I was too scared of the consequences, too selfish to admit the truth.

I deserve to die.

"Lilah! Baby, I'm here!" Declan arrived at the best time. If he came through the front door of my apartment any later, God knows how he would find me. He knew exactly where to find me, and he stopped in the doorway between my bedroom and en-suite, breathing heavily. "Fuck. Hey, it's okay. I'm here. I've got you."

"Bub." I muttered, reaching out for his arms to wrap my hands around them. He sat on the floor beside me and brushed my hair away from my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. I was too lazy to take my scrunchie out and redo it.

"I've got you, Delilah, and I won't let you go," Declan's words brought comfort to me. He really knew how to make these situations better. "Whatever is going on, whether you're pregnant or not, I'll be here for you. We've got each other through all of this."

I nodded, as I reached for the plastic bag which Declan brought in with him. There were all sorts of different pregnancy tests, and I was relieved, because it meant that we'd get multiple results, which would make things more reliable.

"Can you stand? You're shaking, love." Declan spoke with a soft tone to his voice while I gripped onto his hand. I felt terrified because I didn't know what to expect. A positive result would ruin my relationship with Mason. I knew for sure that it wouldn't be his baby.