The Perfect Luna

needing you the most

I dressed myself and came out of the room.

I had no idea what time it was already, but it looked like the sun was already setting, I couldn't be sure because everything around me looked grey.

Frances prepared food but I couldn't bring myself to even look at it and I found myself staring outside the window, staring at nothing at all.

The pack doctor sat at the chair in front me, I could feel her look out the window to try and see what I was looking at, but she couldn't have figured it out.

She couldn't have seen the what ifs that I saw had I not lost my baby.

"Ha-Hazel, was that? The blood--"

"I was pregnant Frances," I finally told her as I turned to look at her, my eyes tearing up again, "but I lost it. I lost my baby."

I could see the shock in her face, the unbelief, but it must've been a confirmation to her guesses. She closed her eyes as she inhaled deeply.

"H-how, b-but I would have known... I checked on you last week-- oh Hazel. I am so sorry, this is all my fault." she was on the verge of crying but I held her hand.

She looked at me and I shook my head.

"I know you did, it wasn't your fault Frances." It was mine.

I had been checked by her three times since I started feeling the pain, but she wasn't able to detect anything and I know it wasn't her fault, she did her job. It was just... me.

Frances held back her tears, but I could see that she was only trying her best to do so.

"A-are you gonna tell the Alpha?" she asked.

I turned to the window again and nodded. "I will... I will contact him... but Frances, please promise me that you will not tell anyone." I asked her.

She looked at me questioningly as if she didn't understand why, but she ultimately nodded. "I-- I won't if you don't want me to."

"Thank you." I said but I had no emotion at all.

For the next few minutes, she instructed me on what I needed to do next, what I should eat and what I shouldn't and I only half listened. And then Frances stood up to leave because it must've already been night time.

"I'll tell Allan you're not feeling well. I'll come back first thing tomorrow." she said before leaving and I simply nodded.

I heard the door close and then I was left all alone again. The room was too big now and too cold and too empty.

It was cold and dark and the pain came back all over again.

The tears fell down and I was in such a state of indescribable pain and what's worse is that I was starting to feel all alone and extremely lonely.

In this big house, all by myself, all I had were the thoughts inside me that were reminding me of what happened, reminding me that it's all my fault that if only I hadn't done this or only if I had done that then maybe... just maybe things would be different now.

Tired of the pain and in need of something, I reached out for the voca orb. I opened it and tried connecting it to Archer.

Please answer. I really need you right now.

But the voca orb didn't light up at all indicating that it couldn't get connected. I tried a few more times and every time the light died, I felt like I died inside too.

I was suffering and I needed to let him know that I lost my child, our child, but why is it that he's not answering?!

I know he's probably busy but is it so hard to just answer me this once? I know he's trying to help a friend, but I need him too.