So Many Secrets.

First Christmas

"Harry, I can not help if you do not tell me what is wrong," he says quietly. "So please, talk to me."

I take in a breath and start talking. "I broke some plates today on accident and I tried to clean them up but I couldn't because I couldn't find the broom so I grabbed some of them and it cut my hand real bad but that doesn't matter because they looked really pretty and expensive and now he hates me because I'm just a stupid burden and I-"

"Breathe," Dumbledore says. "In... and out. There is no need to panic, it's just me."

I take at least twenty deep breathes. I didn't realize, but I said that all in one breath.

"Now, slow down. How did you break them?"

"I-I was trying to put them away but I was wearing socks so I slipped a-and I dropped them."

He nods. "Were you able to heal your hand?" No, but a House Elf did. I nod anyway. "Good. Now, Harry, I guarantee you he does not hate you. You are not a burden. Plates can be replaced, and it was only two. I'll walk back with you if it makes you feel any better," he offers.

I guess that might help, so I nod. He stands and walks to the door. "Come along, then. You don't want to be late for lunch, do you?"

I shake my head and walk to him. He opens the door, and we slowly make our way to his quarters.

I pick at my fingernails as we walk to give me a distraction. I know, I'm not s'posed to hurt myself anymore, but to me this doesn't really count. I'm not doing it for the same reason. And I'm not bleeding. Not badly, anyway.

When Dumbledore knocks, the portrait swings open. "Where have you been!?" Severus hisses. "There was glass everywhere and blood on the floor!"

"S-Sorry... I'm sorry..."

"Severus, now don't be too hard on the boy. He's had a rough day," Dumbledore says gently. "Harry, take care of yourself. I will see you both later. Goodbye."

"Bye, Dumbledore."

"Goodbye, Albus. Harry, come inside. Now."

I do what he says. The portrait slams shut, he gestures for me to follow him. We go to the dining room.

"Care to explain why I came home to you gone, glass everywhere, and blood?" he demands. It isn't a question. I shrug. "Explain. Now."

I'm such a burden. To him, to Dumbledore, to everyone. 

He reaches towards me. Involuntarily, I flinch. He puts his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him. His eyes soften. 

"Was it an accident?" he asks gently. 

"'M sorry..."

"How did blood get on the floor? Was that an accident as well, or no?"

"I didn't... I swear! It was an accident, I promise!" He's going to be angry if he thinks I did it on purpose! It's against the rules!

"Okay. No more running off like that. At least leave a note next time. Why don't you go get ready for Draco's. You leave in an hour."

"Okay."

"Make you sure you don't forget a potion."

"Okay." I go to my room and shut the door. I throw my pyjamas in my knapsack, then find some trousers, underwear, and a jumper. They join my pyjamas. I put a few books in too. I'm getting better at reading, but I still suck. I'm still reading little kid books. 

There. Done packing.

Actually...

I grab my teddy and carefully put it on top of everything else. There. Now I'm done packing. Okay, I'll eat lunch, then I can go. Go to Draco's!