A Guide To The Opposite Sex (Discontinued)

You've Got To Be Kidding Me

"WHAT?!" I screeched as I pulled away from Abby's clutches. She rolled her eyes and nodded at Kyle, who then turned to me and spoke in an annoying tone as if I were a child.

"Riley sweetie, did you think you could go undercover as a guy with your pretty girly locks?" 

"N-no, but I thought maybe I could use a swim cap and maybe a wig."

"No Riley, that's much too simple. You need to give yourself fully to your art!" I glared at my twin and shot a hand protectively to my hair.

"Oh c'mon, Riley! Think of it this way, it'll be much less mantanaince on your part. You're a swimmer, not a beauty queen," Abby pointed out. 

I stared at my reflection and lightly touched the tips of my waist-length hair. "I don't know..."

"Plus, it'll grow out pretty! All that chlorine has washed out your..." Abby shut up once I sent her my patented death glared. 

Thought so.

I considered their logic and decided that they were right. Give yourself fully to your art, huh? Okay, here goes nothing.

I hesitantly sat down on the chair in the center of my bedroom and shut my eyes in terror as Abby came closer with a pair of shears. 

I let out a yelp as I heard the metal clamp down on the first lock and Kyle chuckled. "Fuck you, asshole."

In a little over an hour, I sat staring at my reflection. 

I looked HOT! 

The short pixie cut made my cheekbones stand out more, my indigo eyes pop, and my mouth appear fuller. 

And it's totally edgy, I thought as I angled my chin to look at the slight mohak Abby had styled. 

"YOU LOOK HOT!" I heard Abby yell and then jump forward to hug me. 

"Is that how girls really act?" Kyle murmured to himself as he reached forward for his spiral notebook. "This is valueble information. Girls apparently hug after haircuts."

I rolled my eyes and once again stared at myself. Dang, if I had know the short cut would compliment me so well, I'd had done it years ago.

"Now, time for makeup!" I groaned but allowed Abby to push me back down on the chair. 

***

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I shrieked as I slapped my palms over my eyebrows. "NO! I am not wearing fake, bushy eyebrows."

"Well you still look like a girl, Riley!" I sighed, defeated, and stopped moving as Abby applied the manly brows. 

"Okay, where's my glue? I still have to put on the fake nose," Abby said as she searched under a pile of my new guy clothes.

Oh geez.

***

"This is where I cross the line, both of you!" I pointed my weapon, which was a hairbrush, in their direction. Just dare come forward.

Abby narrowed her eyes and came at me, pulling the waistband of my guy jeans and throwing a pair of rolled up socks in the boxers.

"EWH!" I screamed as I felt the socks press against my girly panties. "This is disgusting!" 

"Relax. I heard it helps you know...give the illusion," Abby said and ignored my glare.

"Yeah, walk the cock-y walk sis," Kyle said from the corner of the room without looking away from his computer screen. 

"Shut up, Kyle. Why can't we dress you up as a girl? I think it'd be enjoyable to see you in a stuffed bra, wig, and heels."

"Well since I'm the brain behind this operation, I can't exactly be out there strutting my stuff in heels."

"Whatever, did you get it done?"  By "it" I mean the probably highly illegal deed of registering me into  Lakeview Hill Academy under the fake name of Rob Cooper. 

"Almost..." he said in a concentrated voice and I shook my head. Eyeing the door warily, I was just waiting for the FBI to stomp in to shut down our operation.

Okay, so that was just wishful thinking on my part. How freakin cool would that be???

"Okay, Rob, you are officially a student at Lakeview Hill Academy," Kyle said an hour later. I froze halfway through my lesson on deepening my voice with Abby and jumped up. 

"Are you serious?!" Abby shrieked in excitement as my eyes widened in horror. I had been hopping he wouldn't be able to hack into the server. 

Crap, I'm so screwed.

"Good luck explaining to mom and dad why I'll be gone," I said as my last hope to avoid going through with this. 

"Oh, don't worry about that."

I raised an eyebrow as he held up piece of paper, "You're going on a trip with your class. Here's the permission slip already signed by mom and dad."

"You sneaky, evil genius." I muttered in a mock-disgusted tone as Abby laughed. 

"Well, start packing. You're expected at Lakeview grounds tomorrow morning."

Shit. What did I get myself into?