All The More Reason ✔

Chapter 39 - Grieving

Sunday

Senn was going crazy from all sorts of emotions. It had been way too long since he spoke to Elio, and he longed for his wise words, his weird jokes and most of all, his notes. No matter how insignificant the words on them were, they always cheered him up whenever he felt down. But nowadays he couldn't feel happy whenever he reread them, over and over again. Because whenever he reached the last, he was reminded that there wouldn't be any more notes as long as Elio refused to talk.

Or even show his face in school.

Senn didn't know if Elio was simply hiding from him, the rest of the school and their judgemental looks, or if he had an actual emergency at home that left him unable to attend school.

Whatever the reason for his absence was, Senn felt alone more each day. At first, he spent an evening with aunt Tessa, watching some terrible romantic comedy, then he allowed his friends to yet again try and take his mind off everything that was going on, and eventually he hung out with Killian for a few evenings, and even the full day on Saturday.

To no avail.

Which was why, on a sunny Sunday afternoon, Senn picked Joyce up to go and visit his parents' and Liam's grave.

He hadn't ever dared to visit before, but that day, it felt quite right to sit down in front of their graves with one of his best friends right beside him. After a silence that dragged on for a while, Joyce placed an arm around his shoulders, and pulled him closer. As if it was natural—and it had been for a long while when they were dating—Senn placed his head on her shoulder and enjoyed the feeling of her fingers playing with his hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Joyce asked, leaning her head against his.

"About what?"

"Whatever is causing you to sigh as deeply as you do, every few seconds."

"Everything is a mess. Everything has been a mess ever since that stupid accident," Senn grumbled. "It isn't fair, Joyce. Why is all of this happening to me?"

"All of this?" Joyce let go of him, only to nudge him playfully. "The only thing abnormal about your life, is the accident, and losing your family. And that's unfair, and it sucks, and you are allowed to be angry and upset over that. But everything else is part of being a teenager."

"If I would've remained the background character in school, instead of ending up in the biggest spotlight because of that accident, nobody would gossip about me."

"Senn, honey," Joyce smiled sadly, "You think nobody gossips about me? Or Sam? Or Avan or Lucas?"

"I don't hear any gossip about you guys."

"Because you are probably focusing on hearing what they have to say about you. And in case you haven't noticed, you were outed in the same sentence as Elio."

Senn knew she was probably right. He was too focused on the rumors about him and Elio, to notice any other rumors. And there should be plenty of them; there always had been more than one rumor in school. But still, what did it have to do with Elio outing both himself and Senn in one go? Those rumors were entwined, no matter who people focused on.

Besides, Elio outed himself. Senn didn't feel sorry for rumors about Elio.

"So? He did that to himself."

"Sweetie, Elio is a popular guy. You dated him. Of course, people will talk about that. Mostly because the girls are curious about your sexualities. Do they still stand a chance?"

"Really? That's what they talk about?"

Joyce nodded with a chuckle. "But that aside, let them go fuck themselves, Senn. Who cares what Anonymous Andy and Curious Carla think of you and who you date? Us, your friends, don't care who you like. And our opinions should matter more. But what's most important, is to get Elio to listen to you. Because I haven't seen you smile the way he made you smile ever since that party. You need to push him a little."

"I tried texting or calling, even with Lucas' or Avan's phone. But he just doesn't answer. It's useless."

"I'm telling you, push. He's a bit stubborn whenever he feels like someone wronged him in any way. Believe me, I know. I shortly dated him, remember?"

"But when do I know that I'm pushing too much?"

Joyce shrugged, overthinking his question in silence while she kept looking at him. "I don't know. All I know is that Elio rather runs than fights. I don't know why, we didn't date long enough to actually go deeper into things like that. But it is possible he has a reason to push people away before it gets serious. He did it to me, and now he's doing it to you. If he really likes you, and you let him know you'll still be there no matter what, he might open up."

Senn sighed, knowing Joyce was probably right. He himself rather pushed people away than talk about his parents, or Liam, or the accident and what it had done to him. For weeks he hid in the safety of his room in order to avoid any possible questions that he didn't feel like answering.

Elio had pushed him out of his comfort zone.

So, maybe, Senn should push Elio out of his.

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Love, June