Did I ever stand a chance? - DM -

|forty five|

"Please" I sobbed out.

A hand on my shoulder made me jump, "Don't touch me" I screamed not caring anymore about the tears the ran down my face like a river. My chest grew heavy and my breathing started to pick up.

"He fine, he's going to wake up" I said knowing that I was lying to myself. "Olivia" her voice was almost as broken as mine.

Her touch made me turn leaning into her arms "He has to be okay" I cried into Narcissa's shoulder. "After everything he has to be"

"I know, it's okay" she was holding her tears back to sooth mine.

"No, no it was supposed to be you" she screamed in disbelief, glancing up red took over my vision. As I stood my head went light but I ignored it.

Narcissa and Pansy held me back as I tried to charge at her "You bitch, do you see what you did. He's dead-" I was screaming in anger, I began to sob again at my words "He's dead" my tone softer, lip quivering.

"Oh my god he's dead" I repeated standing there with wide eyes as shock stared to take over, my hands shaking I started to pull at my roots "He's gone" I sunk down beside him once more.

I didn't even notice when the ministry workers dragged Greengrass out or when the crowed started to exit out. I just sat there silently sobbing over his body wishing for him to just wake up from this.

I could feel the presence of my friends behind me, the quite cries coming from all of them but I could only watch his face. His eyes were closed but I was trying my hardest to picture his bright blue and grey eyes that I loved so much to stare into.

"Ma'am" someone cleared there throats standing in front of me, looking up with broken eyes and a shaky lips they looked down at me in pity.

All they saw was a broken girl sitting next to the lifeless body of the love of her life, bending down knowing what they were doing here I kissed his forehead taking in his scent for the last time on him.

I watched as they picked him up placing him on the medical bed and Apparating somewhere with him. I cried out feeling alone now more than ever.

there would be no bickers or snarky comments at random moments. No more arguments in flying class or whispers in potions. No more soft kisses or kisses filled with love and regret as he fucked up again and wanted to show me how sorry he was. Nothing, cause he was dead. And he took a part of me with him.

What did I ever do to earn that amount of unhappiness I had received in this one life time. Was I such a bad person at times that I was just getting payback from the universe, I wanted one thing in life I didn't care about anything else.

Just to be happy, that's it.

But not just happy, happy with him. He completed me, my days and nights. I didn't know how to live without him with me.

It didn't matter if we were together or not, I just needed him with me. And now he was gone.

"Everything will be okay" Pansy now hugging me, I leaned away from her warm embrace staring intently at her and glancing over at the boys.

"Stop telling me things will be okay cause they won't be and they never will be" I bit my lip thinking. This was it, the numb feeling that no matter what I did always found it's way back into me like it was apart of who I was.

Maybe that's why I was made, I was created to feel numb to the world.

And it would do anything to claw it's way back into my life but this was the worst way yet.

/*

Letting the rain soak my clothes I stood on the grass swallowing back my tears. "Draco Lucius Malfoy 1980- 1999" his headstone read.

"This isn't fair, I wasn't supposed to be standing here this soon" I sniffled, "You said we had forever to talk, we never talked about our parties, so much was taken from us" I wiped the tears the escaped my eye's.

"This is my fault, it always is-" my chest heaved as sobs started to collect up.

"I hate you so much you know that, for always being my hero and saving me, look where that got us Draco" I said crying out, the rain almost as loud as my voice.

"in the end I knew I wasn't enough. Whatever I did I was never enough. Not at the beginning and not at the end, I was simply not enough, and it should have been me you deserved so much better" I said kneeling down and leaning my limp body on his head stone.

You were my pain reliever, my reason to breath or to get up in the morning. You gave me a reason to live but now you are gone and I am struggling so hard without you.

I want all my pain to go away to fade like a distant memory, but I know it never will.

Closing my eyes I sighed feeling the cold weather run through me.

"I love you, forever"

/*