Mixtape

60 (finale)

60 finale

As soon as the dawn breaks over the horizon, Richie is woken with the morning calls of every farm animal in the surrounding barns. The warmth of early July basks over his skin, heavy arms thrown over his waist.
He squints his eyes against the bleary hangover clouding his vision, trying to discern his surroundings and who he's with.
Stan is sitting up, picking the dirt out from under his nails. He notices Richie moving around, his attention diverting towards the male he's sitting next to. Stanley smiles softly, brushing some hair back out of Richie's eyes.
"Today's the day, man."
With those words, Richie sits up abruptly. His heart slams against his rib cage, desperately attempting to escape and run away from the inevitable break it's going to endure today.
"Oh, God," Richie breathes out.
Upon inspection, the barn consists of his friends. No, his family. A group of misfit teenagers who took him in when he had nothing and gave him everything. Bill is sleeping near Beverly, her ankle overlapping his legs in a way that shows hope and a quiet promise to grow and change. Mike is using Ben's thigh as a pillow, and Eddie was curled around Richie. He remembers sleepovers in Ben's basement, quietly touching and whispering in the dark. He remembers truth or dare at Bill's, high stress and rampant emotions. Now, they're leaving high school today. The end of an era. Everything is changing, and Richie can't stand it.
"Why can't we stay kids forever?" Richie whispers, mostly to himself.
"Because," Stan says quietly. He rubs his knuckles against the back of Richie's arm, then strokes the boy's back up and down. Less spine, he's been gaining weight. "We've gotta grow into people that are nothing like our parents."
Richie looks back at his curly haired friend, his eyes watering with nostalgia and the sickening bittersweet ghost of Stan's mouth on his own when he was just a confused teenager. "I want to stay still."
Stan quietly tells him, "But he won't. If you stop moving with him, you guys will lose each other to the sea."
Richie looks down at Eddie, so peacefully asleep. It almost shocks Richie to see him like this, he was expecting the babyfaced germophobe from freshman year. Instead, he fully realizes just how much older Eddie looks. Sharp cheekbones, thicker eyebrows, a straighter nose. He's growing, and Richie cannot stop that. He has no choice but to grow with him.
The graduation ceremony itself is blurry. He sits in a line of students he's never talked to before, but some recognize him from the party last night and give him friendly waves and smiles. He feels like it's a little too late in their high school life to finally be making friends, but he smiles back anyways.
The clothes under his gown itch uncomfortably. None of the losers had time to get ready once they realized they all slept in late, so they scrambled into cars and drove straight to the high school going 55 in a 35 zone. That whole car ride was bad for Richie, he kept disconnecting the whole time. The radio was on, and Eddie was pressed against him and giggling with Ben about something he didn't quite hear. Richie was floating off, drifting from himself and this world around him. He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to. If he graduates, then Eddie leaves. Two months is a long time away from someone, what if they forget how to feel about one another? They went years apart and Eddie grew to hate Richie in that time, how fast will it take this time?
Now, he sits where he was told to, waiting for his name to be called next. He feels like this is nothing but a death sentence waiting for him, the trepidation sneaking up on him.
When Bowers is called, nobody claps. Not a single soul. Not even his own father, who is sitting in the bleachers with the rest of the student family members. Richie lifts his head for a brief moment, a second of clarity, and he calls from the very back rows "Bowers rules!"
The people around him look at Richie strangely, but it doesn't matter. The former Tozier has already shut back down, tuning everything else out except for the names being called in alphabetical order. The people in his row start to get up one by one, and soon enough, Richie is standing up on his own. His legs shake. His world is changing.
He doesn't remember much else. He remembers the roar that came from his friends when Bill was called, and then the equally loud roar when Richie follows him up the stage right after. The two brothers walk off stage side by side, exiting the crowd to go find their parents waiting by the bleachers.
Sharon approaches Richie first, ignoring her own son to cup Richie's cheeks and tell him "You made it!"
Richie smiles weakly and says "Sure."
They don't stay to see the rest of their friends graduate. Zack and Sharon take the boys out to lunch, Richie silent the entire time. He still eats, but only to not raise suspicion. Zack tells Bill all about the sights that he has to stop and see on his road trip, so that pushes Richie further into reclusion.
This day will go by easier if Richie just shifts into autopilot. He knows that Eddie is going to come pick Bill up, and he knows he's going to have to say goodbye to both of them at the same time. Losing his brother is going to hurt so badly, but what hurts more is that his lover is the one taking Bill away. It stings in a painful way, as if they're taking part of Richie's heart with them.
Before he knows it, Richie is sitting up in his bedroom and gripping his diploma tightly. This damned piece of paper. It's ruining him. It's ruining his friends.
He can hear Stan and Henry in the back of his mind telling him that he's got to let Eddie go, he can't keep doing this anymore. But it's hard. It's so hard.
He pushes his window open to get some fresh air, his bedroom feeling like a prison. The walls are closing in, but he knows he's just going crazy. He's imagining things. Therapy this week is going to be a fun session, so much to unpack.
Richie can hear the rusted out muffler of Eddie's new car pulling into the driveway, so as an attempt to distract himself, he begins folding clothes. Something to keep his hands busy, anything to keep his mind focused.
He listens as Bill climbs up and down the stairs, making several trips to carry his bags down. Zack can be heard in the front lawn, helping Eddie pack them all in the trunk. Eddie keeps glancing up towards Richie's open window, yet Richie has given up on folding clothes and sits beneath the window sill. He listens to them all laugh, laugh and talk, laugh and say goodbye. So happy. So happy.
"Bill, hurry up!" Eddie starts his car, the radio turning on to play a faint song that Richie can barely hear. A distinct memory. He lifts his head up, trying to distinguish where he's heard that song before. Perhaps in a dream?
"I'm coming!" Bill's voice travels as he clambers down the porch stairs quickly.
"Is he..." Eddie whispers, "Is he going to come say goodbye?"
There's a lull, allowing Richie to hear a bit more of the song. He stands up, fumbling with the radio on his desk to tune the radio to whatever station is playing in Eddie's car.
"I don't know," Bill says. "He's been weird all day, I think this is really rough on him."
It's Eddie, of course it's going to be on the Billboard pop station. Richie rolls his eyes at his drama queen of a boyfriend and finds the exact station that's playing the quiet song in Eddie's car.
"Should I go up to him?" Eddie asks. "I cant just leave without saying anything to him."
"I don't know," Bill says honestly, leaning on the car. Eddie is sitting in the driver's seat, leaning out the window to look up at his Juliet's bedroom window. "He doesn't handle goodbyes very well."
Richie can hear the song. No, he can feel it. It's one of the songs that resonates within your very veins with its bass vibrations. It reminds him of falling in love, staying in love, and remembering how to love years later. It reminds him of taking a bus up to Bangor in the midst of winter, of sneaking into bedroom windows for late night kisses, of bathroom stall fights, of tear streaked diary entries, of dancing in the kitchen, of climbing rose trellises and breaking bones, of hot shower steam and coconut shampoo, of sharing camping tents and making s'mores, of being teenagers who can't wait to grow up. Now... now they're grown, and Richie still has all of that love at his fingertips.
Eddie hasn't left yet.
He can hear the song even when he opens his bedroom door, and as he trips and stumbles down the staircase in a frantic flurry, he can hear the words in his head. He runs past Sharon, his mind on an anxiety loop of get to Eddie get to Eddie get to Eddie.
It's always like that, isn't it? It's always Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. He thinks that's got to count for something, definitive proof that they must be soulmates.
When Richie slams the front door open, Bill steps aside to give Eddie a clear view of his clumsy boyfriend barreling down the stairs. Eddie smiles, leaning out the window with his tiny hands held out.
Richie accepts them graciously, leaning in to kiss Eddie's face all over, pressing his lips over the countless memories bubbling to the froth of Eddie's foamy skin. Richie has spent all his life being held underwater, and now he's finally washing up on shore.
"It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you," Richie says in time with the song. He doesn't know the name, can't remember the artist, but he feels the words. He feels them so deeply, as if this song was written for his high school sweetheart only.
"Get in the car, Richie," Eddie asks one last time, holding his grip on his boyfriends hands tightly.
"I haven't packed," Richie shakes his head.
Eddie says, definitively, "I've collected half your wardrobe over the last few months anyways, you'll be fine."
Richie opens his mouth to object, but things align. The fog lifts. The bones settle into place. The grave has grass growing over it.  He was meant to be here with Eddie, just like Bill was meant to adopt him, like Richie was meant to back up into that kid's nose in the drugstore aisle, like Sonya was meant to move to Derry after her husband passed, like Maggie and Went were meant to meet at their high school prom. All of it has led up to this moment, and the fork in the road they're standing at depends on the next thing that Richie says.
Careful, Rich. You're fifteen again. Your shoes are planted against the windowsill, and everything you've known your whole life remains in the bedroom behind you. The unknown waits for you at the bottom, an alluring whisper calling for you.
Jump, jump, jump.
And he jumps.
"Okay," Richie nods, coming around the side of the car to get into the passenger seat beside his smiling boyfriend. Everything is healed. Every scar has faded. Every word has been forgiven.
Eddie leans over and kisses Richie on the mouth. Bill can be heard climbing in the backseat, but everything is drowned out by their song playing on the radio. This is the start of their future. This is what everything's been leading up to.
They are here. They are in love. Their story keeps going even after this chapter has ended.