Habits Of My Toxic Heart - Draco Malfoy

Chapter sixteen - Forged memories

Viewer discretion is advised

Holly - One year later

My name is Holly. That was all I knew. Everything I could hold on to. My trauma therapist had forced me to connect myself to the name that I carry, to have something to anchor to. Well that's so much bullshit I don't even know where to begin. I have nothing to anchor to. My mother and my only family had been taken to Azkaban for child abduction. My mother, had committed a crime worse than murder, she had ripped a child from it's family and only safety. That child was me. I was the freak who no one longer knew what to call myself. Well, I guess that's why my therapist wanted me to claim my name. My birth name that my biological mother had given me was Astoria. Astoria Greengrass. Youngest daughter of Florian and Adorabella Greengrass. One of the sacred twenty-eight, which I now had learned was the original families of the wizarding world. The Greengrass's family history was incredible. I had spent some rehabilitation-freetime studying it. Their past may have been checkered, but they had remained neutral for the last three decades, which was impressive compared to the rest of the families. I found out that I had a sister, whom I knew very well, just not as my sister. Daphne. Daphne Greengrass was my twin sister, that's right. Twin.

My therapist thinks I managed school from my somewhat stable home-situation and my willingness to fit in. And yes, it hadn't been bad at home. My pretend mother had always been kind, fragile and scattered, but kind. Which is why I had refused to accuse her of kidnapping me, not cooperating with the Ministry when I had been interrogated. But I am a minor, and the Greengrasses being the powerful family that they are had chosen to proceed with the mind readings for victims who were traumatized, the antidote against my so called Stockholms Syndrome, the ultrasonic repairing of the parts of me that were traumatized and broken and so on. I was now numb. Extinct. Not tortured, in pain or even sad. Just deranged, lost and constant feelings of being misplaced in my body.

My new mother had visited me everyday at my rehab facility. I had told her that people would think that I was some kind of addict but she just brushed it off.

"We do not care what people think, that's not what matters. Okay?" she stroked my hair.

I had grown close to her, in a way I never felt with my old mother. She always acted more like a friend, or a roommate. Adorabella had just taken me in and I truly felt like her child, in a good way. She had offered me a treatment where you can implant a false childhood, a happy one with my true family, since my other childhood had been closed off in my brain by my wizard psychiatrist, Dr Lightwood. The therapists here really weren't like the ones I had seen in the muggle world when I had been forced to therapy by my fake mother to process the absence of my father. Not my real father, but you know what I mean. This was something else, and everything was treated with magic. Not therapy like they did back home. In my old home.

My new father, Florian Greengrass had only visited me once. On Dr. Lightwood's orders. It would be too much to create a parently-bond to two parents, so they had decided that Adorabella would be the one to go first. They had worked with us all year, using our natural consanguinity and proceeded to establish feelings on top of that. It had been challenging to create anything out of my numbed heart and soul. But here we were, yet again in the therapy ward, holding my mothers hands seated in front of each other while Dr. Lightwood did her charm, creating an immense feeling of warmth, love and connections in the room. My mother closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and I could physically feel her yearning. Longing to have a relationship with the daughter she lost. Then I saw a face flash before my eyes. Sand blonde hair, light freckles, piercing blue eyes and a striking smile. A young boy, maybe around six or seven years old. My eyes shot up as I realised who it looked like. I broke the connection between me and my mother and she looked up, confused.

"Who was that?" I asked, feeling my heart raise.

"Who?" She tilted her head, confused.

"I saw what you were seeing, a boy.. A boy that looked just like.." Adorabella cut me off.

"Just like Daphne?" she asked me. I nodded. I looked at Adorabella and I saw her smile as her eyes glossed over.

"That was your younger brother sweetie, Cyrus. His resemblance to Daphne was fascinating. He was a bundle of energy, being everywhere and nowhere. Always happy. Never saw that boy upset once even. The kindest heart, everyone who met him instantly cared for him. But he got away from us all too quickly, a tragic flying accident. He was always too much in a hurry, this time he had a hurry to heaven," Adorabella paused to wipe her tears. I just got up and threw my arms around her. I realised all the sorrow she had gone through, losing her youngest child to a kidnapper, then her only son passed away. Daphne being the only one left. Until now. I pulled away and looked at Dr. Lightwood.

"I wanna implant the forged memories," I asked and he looked up at me, surprised. So did my mother.

"I wanna have a relationship with my family, and this is not working. I'm too closed off."

My mother smiled at me, and this felt like the honorable thing to do, for my family and for myself. Dr. Lightwood smiled at me and nodded.

"We'll schedule it the first thing in the morning," he said as he left me and my mother alone.

"You're so incredibly brave, just like your brother and sister," she smiled at me and took my hand.

"I'll do it under one condition," I spoke and she gave me an approving nod.

"We'll tell Daphne before, so she can be here and I get memories of her too," I looked at Adorabella hesitantly, knowing it was much to ask since Daphne didn't know yet. She was still in school and we didn't wanna pull her out of it.

"I'll speak to Headmaster Dumbledore right away and see if she can come home two weeks earlier than planned," she stroked my cheek with the back of her hand, and I thought to myself;

I had found my home.

Draco

Two weeks left of school before we could finally go home. I was drained and exhausted. Nothing about this year had been fun. In the beginning of the year everyone asked questions. Questions about where she was, and what had happened. No one knew, except me and the headmaster. Maybe Snape or McGonagall but it didn't matter. I couldn't talk to anyone. Rumours started spreading about what had happened. Disgusting rumours, even for me. And all I could do was sit around and try to shut it all out. A quality I now was very good at. Not the same could be said about Daphne. She had taken it way worse than me. Her best friend had left her, without a word. And the poor girl didn't even know that she had gotten back her sister. She couldn't stand all the questions, all the rumours, all the looks, glares and stares. She had been blacklisted, mostly due to the rumours and her constant tantrums whenever someone brought Holly up. But just yesterday in Astronomy, her sleeve had inched down her pale, thin arms and I had spotted bright red scars. My stomach had jolted and I had to leave class and I threw up in the bathroom right outside the classroom. This could not be happening. Daphne would die herself before she even had a chance to meet her sister.

But today, she had been called home. I suppose someone other than me had noticed, and I'm glad that I never had to go to Dumblerdore, although I would have if I hadn't been rescued from the task. Now my life could go back to normal. Just existing. Nothing more, and nothing less. I was so fucking sick of the constant boredom, and the constant fury inside of me. Nothing calmed it, and nothing could give the slightest of ease. I just longed to go home and sleep, and forget all about the green eyes that pierced my soul every time I closed my eyes.

A/N: It keeps getting worse and everyone is feeling like shit :') including me haha pls lmk what you think xx