Habits Of My Toxic Heart - Draco Malfoy

Chapter twelve - Grounding

Draco

I threw another book out the window as I frustrated pulled my hair. I kicked the already broken cupboard and felt the unstoppable rage flow through my body. I ripped down the curtain to Crabbes bed when I snapped out of my rage as someone screamed my name.

Holly.

"Please Draco, it's not worth it." She slowly approached me like you approach a wild animal. Carefully so you don't get killed.

"Get out," I spat. Hoping she wouldn't listen to me.

"No. Please don't hurt me," she tried as she walked up to me through pillow feathers, wooden splitters and broken glass.

She reached out an arm and carefully placed it onto my chest. I bet you could feel my raging heartbeat through my shirt. I tried to slow my panting without luck. I felt my skin tingle where she had placed her hand. I looked into her eyes, melting down into her green ocean eyes.

She took a step closer, so close that our noses were almost touching. She placed her palms onto my shoulders, slightly putting weight onto them. I felt my body relax.

"What are you doing?" I said more harshly than I ment.

"Grounding you," she said as if it was obvious. I felt my breathing calm down and I closed my eyes, pushing down the wave of sadness threatening to break out.

I felt her palms move down to my waist, I resisted the urge to recoil. I was so uncomfortable with being touched. But she was right, it brought me back to reality. She slid her hands from my waist to my back and I felt myself shiver. I inhaled sharply at the feeling of her hands on me. She closed the space between us and she pulled me towards her. I just stood there, completely empty and drained from all the hate and anger. I let myself be numb for just a moment, to be completely hypnotized by something else than my self hate and problematic life. Thank fucking god for Holly.

She released faster than I had hoped and I just looked at her blankly. Not knowing what to say. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"It's okay, I know." She brushed her palm against my arms and I felt goosebumps raise.

"It's not okay, you can't come and clean up my mess everytime I implode," I sighed and sat down at my messed up bed. She followed and sat next to me. She looked up at me, as if to ask for permission before she leaned her head against my shoulder.

"I'll save you when you need me to, you would do the same." I wrapped my arm around her and took a deep breath and leaned my head against hers.

"You don't know any good cleaning spells perhaps?" I asked and she chuckled. I smiled at the sound, happy to know I could still make her laugh.

Holly

After Draco's complete meltdown after the loss against Gryffindor he had asked me to come to practice to keep an eye out for him. I had forced Daphne to keep me company. Unfortunately the sky had just opened and rain was pouring down so I felt slightly guilty for dragging her out in this weather.

"What happened yesterday? I heard he trashed the entire dormitory," Daphne huffed.

"Yeah... It was pretty bad. He was so mad, his eyes went black," I got shivers from the memory.

"Great friend you got," Daphne said sarcastically. I didn't blame her.

"How did you even get him to calm down without hurting yourself?" She asked me.

"Uhm, I tried to ground him. Something I've learned back home," I said quietly.

"Why'd you learn it?" She asked, probably not intending for it to sound as nosy as it did.

"You really wanna know?" She nodded.

"You can't tell anyone. My mother suffers from panic attacks and that used to help her," I spoke softly, hoping she wouldn't think I'm weird.

"I'm so sorry.." she started and pulled me into a hug. We sat closely squeezed together during the rainy practice. I watched the team fly around the court and just enjoyed the moment, feeling at peace with my existence. Then Daphne broke the silence.

"You know I have to ask," she started. Oh no. This couldn't be good.

"Are you and Malfoy..?" she asked as if she were scared to say a bad word.

"Are me and Mafoy what?" I asked.

"You know.. A thing," she asked and I saw how embarrassed she was.

"You've got to be kidding with me," I sighed.

"I had to ask!"

"No you did not. And we aren't anything more than friends, he is probably into Pansy anyways."
"So you're telling me, that if he didn't have eyes for Pansy you'd go for it?" she asked and yet again, being too nosey.

"Stop twisting my words! I never said that," I felt my voice become alarmingly high pitched.

"Is that why you're starting to sound like a squeak toy?" she laughed at my bright red cheeks.

"Shut the hell up," I giggled.

The practice was starting to end and Daphne wanted to head back to the castle to avoid speaking to Draco. She still didn't trust him and I completely understood her. I guess I didn't fully trust him either. But he meant a lot. I thought about what she had said about me and Malfoy and I honestly hadn't even given it a thought. We're so young, I hadn't even had my first kiss and me and Draco didn't feel like more than friends. Right?

I walked down to the court to find a soaked Draco waiting for me.

"Thanks for coming, I'm sorry about the weather," he looked up at me through wet eyelashes.

"Don't worry about it, and me and Daphne actually had a good time," I hooked my arm in his, Draco rolling his eyes at my weird habit but he accepted it and we headed back to the castle.

"She still despises me, huh?" I nodded in response. I heard a muffled chuckle. He really didn't give much energy in what people thought of him.

"Can I ask you something?" I blurted out.

"Uhm sure?" He seemed worried.
"You and Pansy, is there anything going on?" I asked and stared at my feet, afraid to meet his gaze. He just laughed at me and I glared at him, feeling insulted.

"Where the hell is this coming from?" He smiled at me, clearly amused.

"You know that day in class when you went after her, I never asked if anything happened," I felt my cheeks burn.

"Oh Black, are you jealous?" he spoke in a baby-like tone.

"Don't make me laugh Malfoy," I snapped.

"Well, nothing happened. Pansy is obviously hot for me, but who could blame her? I mean just look at me," he gestured down his torso and I smacked his arm.

"I just asked because I am not feeling like catching Pansy's lice."
Draco wrinkled his face in disgust and I laughed at his silly face. Then he suddenly stopped walking and looked at me seriously.

"Holly, we're good, right?" He looked into my eyes and took my hand in his.

"Y-yeah of course why?" I stuttered, surprised he would even ask.

"I know we didn't talk after that Pansy-incident and I never asked if you were okay," he looked timid. This boy sure knew how to have mood swings.

"You didn't have to, I knew that night was a big deal for you, you're not big on vicinity."

"Not really.. But I didn't mind it, you know? It wasn't so bad," he spoke. Man he could be so sweet when he put that side to it.

"Me neither," I hooked my arm back in his and we walked into the castle.

A/N: Just a little filler but things had to be set straight. See you in the next xx