I'll Be Good || Jim Carroll

Chapter 4: I Promise

JIM'S POV:

I used all of my concentration as I did a sexy strut of nonchalance across the basketball court, playing like a cheetah as I scored another goal. I felt pretty proud of myself, especially with Zoe watching in the bleachers. It was funny how close she was to her parents. They pretty much went everywhere together, and I had kind of gotten 'adopted' into their family, I guess. I mean, Zoe was always asking for me eat out with them. Even though it was usually fast food, it was still a free meal, one less thing for my mom to worry about. When our team won the game, Zoe was the first person to run towards me. I fought the urge to blush when she wrapped her legs around my waist in the excitement, the guys wolf whistling as I glared at them. I gently set her down as her dad clapped me on the back, appearing just as proud as a real father could.

"You played a great game, Jim," he complimented.

"Thanks," I reacted, disappointed my mom was busy working to see my victory.

"Hey, Jim, there's a call for you," Neutron softly told me, which puzzled me why he was being so secretive about it.

"What do you mean there's a call for me?" I looked over at him as he pressed his lips together, his eyes a bit misty as my heart sank. "Oh."

It was like having the skeleton of someone you knew put in front of you. I almost couldn't handle the ceremony of Bobby's funeral, drifting off by myself near the wire gate outside as the guys talked together.

"That kid was in so much pain, he's better off that he died," Neutron commented, causing me to snap.

"Don't say that," I shouted, breaking a bottle against the fence before gripping the holes in it. I sensed Zoe coming over, still clad in her lavender dress.

ZOE'S POV:

"Jim," I softly spoke, cautiously touching his shoulder as I feared he might snap again. "You know Neutron didn't mean it like that."

"You just don't understand! None of you fucking understand," Jim exclaimed on the verge of crying as his bangs hung wet from the recent rain.

"I know I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but I would like to be there for you. Please let me be there for you, Jim."

He turned to me with a tough expression as he continued to breathe heavily, Mickey losing it as he walked away.

"You know what? You guys need to lighten the fuck up, alright? Let bygones be fuckin' bygones..." Mickey kept talking as his voice was drowned by a glass bottle he shattered onto the pavement. Everyone was silent for a moment before the dribbling of a basketball could be heard, the guys deciding to play a game to let all of their negative feelings out. I just watched on the sidelines as I hugged myself in the pouring rain, the boys now shirtless as they ran around the court. I held my breath when Jim held onto the rim, shaking his hair as he had never looked more attractive to me. I dug my nails into my opposite palm before he was gesturing for me to join them. I laughed as my flats slid across the soaked ground, able to secure a basket when Jim kept blocking his friends so I could have chance.

"That was fucking cheating," shouted Mickey over the roar of the thunder. "You and your fucking girlfriend!"

I blushed at how his buddies constantly teased us about that, but Jim and I were just friends. We both walked home that night straight to his apartment, all of our parents trusting us to be alone together at any time. Plus, they knew how hard the recent events had been on Jim. His mom wasn't around when we entered his place, us just lying on his bed after running towels over us. My hair was starting to naturally curl as I watched Jim grab a powdery substance in a tiny packet from his nightstand. He then rolled up a dollar bill before snorting up the white stuff, scrunching his face up as he rubbed his nose after. He was sniffing loudly as I gently caressed his knee, causing him to divert his attention to me.

"You've never told me what that stuff is." I leaned my chin on his shoulder as he seemed to be calmer, yet a bit twitchy from the mystery matter.

"If I tell you will you promise not to get on my case about it? And you have to promise you won't tell anyone," he warned, his expression hardened as I nodded.

"I promise, Jim. You're my best friend."

"It's cocaine," he mumbled, rubbing his nose again before setting the drug aside.

I froze as I was stunned from the news, aware that was an addictive narcotic. "Jim... Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay! Bobby died and everything sucks! So I do some drugs, what's the big deal?"

"I just don't want you hurting yourself." I rubbed his bare arm, since he had thrown a plain purple t-shirt on.

"I'm fine, I'm fuckin' fine," he said, becoming more jittery as he sniffed louder.

"You're trembling," I pointed out, him reaching to push my hand away when I touched his cheek, but he stopped his actions as he sighed. "Why would you want to take something that makes you jumpy like this?"

"Because it makes me feel alive," he whispered, avoiding my gaze. "Everything about life is a fucking joke. My mom has to work her ass off to support us. And there's not a corner free in this damn city where people aren't doing drugs, or selling their bodies, or murdering someone. The only way out is basketball. I always try to be a good boy, but I'm fucking tired of it. I'm not a fucking saint!"

I barely nodded as I finally turned his face towards mine, able to tell the cocaine was making him act a bit different than usual. Sure, these were probably true, hidden thoughts, but he was being more aggressive and easily offended. Plus, the death of a person close to you never helped with not feeling different for awhile. I don't know what prompted me to do it, but I gently pressed my lips against his before kissing him softly, feeling his body instantly relax. After I pulled away he licked his lips before sniffing his nose.

"What was that for," he whispered.

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to help you feel better. I wanted to let you know that you don't have to be a saint for me. I'm going to be there for you Jim no matter what. I promise." He gave me a weak yet grateful smile as I squeezed his hand, him intertwining our fingers as we just stayed silent next to each other. Little did I know the effects drugs could have on a person, or the enemy that was yet to be discovered, heroin.

A/N: Hey guys, I hope you liked this chapter. I know it was pretty heavy. Please remember to comment, vote, and follow. Thank you! <3