The Price of Fame and Fortune (Hunger Games)

15

That night I couldn't sleep. I missed the quietness of Victors Village back home. Instead, I'm stuck in the Capitol on the night before the hungergames. Where the citizens here think that it's an open invitation to parade and chant all night in-front of the tribute centre. The tribute centre in which I fucking sleep!. I screamed into my pillow in an effort to drown out the noise.

Not that I'd be able to sleep anyways. Obviously I'm a nervous wreck. And scared. And picturing a thousand ways I'm going to die. There's sword, knife, trident, arrow or the old starvation and dehydration. Any really would do the trick. But what's worse is that I can't get my brain to stop panicking enough to sleep. I know I need to sleep now more than ever. If I sleep in the arena then I'm vulnerable and will have to rely on Trent as a guard. Not that I don't trust Trent. He's probably the only person in my life that I do trust. But I still hate the idea of it.

The games can go on for weeks so sleep is inevitable. From memory my mother hardly slept during her games. Went over forty eight hours on zero sleep and after that point only ever sleep for two hours at the most. But I'm not Johanna. At least I hope I'm not...her voice suddenly entered my head.

When you're in that arena with an axe in your hand you won't even know who you are anymore because like me, it's all you know.

I screamed again but this time in frustration. To kill or not to kill?!?. I won't do it. I'm not her. I'm different. I'm Victoria, and I'm not a killer. Well, not yet. Okay no, not ever. I made a promise to Trent and I'm keeping it. Screw being the first ever female tribute to receive a score of twelve!. Screw being the daughter of the legendary axe murderess Johanna Mason!. And finally screw Johanna for having me and getting me into this mess in the first place!.

I screamed again. Maybe if I scream hard enough into my pillow I'll smother myself and die. Better than dying in there anyways. Would people cry when they watch me go?. The girl who had it all but refused to kill. The girl with all the odds in her favour but refused to play. Would that mean anything? Would anyone care?...would she cry like she did that day in the clearing?. Would she weird her axe until her hands are covered in blood, until the pain feels better than the loss?. Would she regret shutting me out?. Would she die in pain knowing I was prepared emotionally and physically for this but decided to die anyways. Would she believe I was actually suicidal and not bluffing before the chariot ride. Would she think it was her fault for not noticing signs?. Would she think it was her fault for shutting me out? For denying me any form of love so I'd be able to kill mercilessly without hesitation?. So it'd be easier for the one person she loved more than anything in the world? So I wouldn't be screaming every night into my pillow like she does?...

Maybe in an ideal world. A world where I actually know Johanna and how her mind works. Instead they'll forever be unanswered questions running through my messed up head.

A light knock woke me up earlier than I had to be. When it dawned on me that it's actually morning I felt my whole body drown in dread. In six hours will I be dead?!?...

Not waiting for a response, my door slowly opened to reveal a disheveled Trent. Bed hair, bags under his eyes and a smirk that for once didn't reach his eyes.

I rubbed my forehead and sighed. "We're not supposed to see eachother before the games today".

Trent shrugged. "Never followed rules before and don't plan to start now".

I nodded. "Obviously".

Trent bit his lip and sighed. "Uh-I just thought of something. If we don't see each other on those platforms just go left. If we both run to the left then we'll eventually find eachother".