brothers.

49~ Is it Over?

WARNING: This chapter contains depictions of suicidal thoughts. Reader discretion is advised.

Diana

It started hurting.

It was so painful that I didn't even know where it came from. There was an immense headache that spread down my spine and into my ribs. Everything was shaking around me, and I could hardly see. I felt myself holding on to my blankets and rolling back and forth in pain. It started to get hot. I threw up on the floor next to me.

It was horrible and long. It wouldn't stop. It had all happened so fast, and yet so slow. It was too slow. I just wanted it to end.

Everything was swirling around me. I wasn't sure what awaited me. I didn't know what to believe. Where would I end up? Where was I going? I didn't even know where I was going!

I wanted to scream, but my mouth was shut tight. And yet, my pained yells were so loud... it was unbearable.

It would be worth it, though. It would all end soon.

My head was in the bucket of water again. I was only 6. Those boys, who were years older than me, were all pressing me inside, holding my head with their strong hands. Water in my mouth, going down my throat, into my lungs.

No air. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see or hear a thing. Every time I inhaled, more water came in. I was drowning... slowly and painfully... into nothingness.

Until air suddenly rushed into my lungs. A ripple of intense pain wracked my body, but I felt relieved. I was breathing. My head was out of the water.

Everything was a blur. There were voices yelling. They were garbled, and I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I could just barely hear my name.

Arms wrapped around me, hands stroked my hair, caressed my cheeks. A kiss was laid on my forehead.

There were loud, whiny noises. I felt something rumbling underneath me. Lights flashed through my eyelids. Something pinched my hand. Then a rhythmic beeping. I smelled something weird.

"Amy?" a weak voice resounded next to me. I hardly reacted, too disoriented to care. "Am I... am I dead?" The voice faded into the loud beeping. I wanted it to stop.

Then my eyes opened.

I saw a light, but it wasn't the heavenly light I expected. It hurt my eyes for a few moments until they adjusted. I heard a rhythmic beeping on my left.

Is it over?

Looking around, I didn't see my parents. I was in a white room, in a bed, with an itchy gown on. There were machines and a curtain next to me. It smelled like alcohol and disinfectant.

It hit me. I was in the hospital. I was alive.

I was alive.

My head shook. "No..." I took in the sight of the hospital room, the heart monitor next to me, the IV in my hand. Nurses were sitting near me, noticing my awakening. "No, no, no..." The beeping got faster.

"It's okay, sweetheart." A nurse approached me. "Don't panic. You're in the hospital. You're safe."

"No, no, I can't be here..." I tried to sit up, but he gently pushed me down. I was too weak to resist.

"Diana, it's going to be all right. You're safe. We're taking care of you-"

"No, no, you don't understand, I can't be here!" My voice cracked. "I'm not supposed to be here!" I reached for the IV, trying to rip it out. The other nurses suddenly crowded around me, holding my limbs down.