Face Down In The Dirt

Chapter 15 - Crash and Burn

**As I was responding to some comments here and on AO3 last week, it made sense to draw these three parallels between the two main characters:

1. Tommy fears not being liked.
Nikki fears not being loved.

For Tommy, it motivates him to be a show-off and to harbor jealousy over the attention others get. Why don't people like me? Why don't people see me as someone worthwhile, talented, intelligent, etc.

For Nikki, it causes a distrust in the motives of others and he questions his self- worth. How could anyone ever love me? I'll always be a loner.

(On the opposite side, Tommy has always felt secure among the people who love him, mainly family. While Nikki's never given given a shit whether people like him or not.)

2. Tommy lives in the moment.
Nikki holds on to the past and is concerned with the future.

Tommy does what he wants and what feels good without thinking through things first. He doesn't often take into consideration how his actions effect the people around him and the course of future.

Nikki can't let go of his past, bringing the pain of it into current scenarios whether it applies or not. And he spends a lot of time planning and often worrying about what's to come and how things are going to work out. He can miss out on the good moments that are right in front of him.

3. Tommy is driven by his heart, emotions, and core feelings.... good and bad. Rationale is not a strong point for him.

Nikki is driven by what goes on in his head. Emotions are too messy for him. He needs things to make sense, so he tries to corral his emotions and place them into scenarios that he draws up in his head.

So, I made these two very oppisite of each other. It's why they handle things differently. And when one is finally resolved, the other is heading off the opposite way.

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After leaving Tommy alone in the hospital courtyard, Nikki roamed the hallways of the hospital, not ready to go back to Brandi's room. He found an unfamiliar indoor seating area that was mostly void of others, where he could sit and settle himself down. His emotions were running high, and had he not been among people, he'd most likely be bawling his eyes out.

Nikki hadn't planned on telling Tommy that day that the relationship was over. He wasn't sure he was ready to make the break. But the surprise visit irritated him enough to make him blurt it out, right then and there. Earlier, the doctors remarked that the baby's heart rate was a little sluggish. Not dangerously slow, just something that needed to be monitored closely. Not to mention that Brandi's blood pressure was elevated. The news was enough to send Nikki into another tailspin of worry and concern. Tommy didn't have a right to insert himself onto a scene that he wasn't invited to, because he already rejected the notion of it weeks back. Like he really cares, Nikki thought to himself. This wasn't his ship to jump on, he affirmed to himself, as he slid back into the familiar pattern of choosing to suffer alone.