Hurts doesn't it?

Chapter 6 - nightmare

(Still Loki's POV)

It had been a week since y/n quit her job and we had spent a lot more time together - making a friendship came more naturally than I thought it would.

She finally made me a tea without making me do it myself, I learnt to knock on her door, and She taught me to high five when we have achieved something which was the first physical contact we had. Although these moments were subtle, and as soon as they were over she went straight back to the person I first met in the alley way, I knew I was making progress.

Y/n introduced me to a game called Minecraft which was like the world but in a cube form. We would do building competitions and she would post it on her Instagram and let the followers decide which one was better - I won most of the time. On Instagram she seemed to be a completely different person, but I guess her phone allowed her to come across in a different way.

It was the afternoon and y/n would of been at the cafe but because she quit, she was taking a nap, which she needed after a long shift at the newspaper place so I was just watching her, analysing the way she slept.

As I was watching her, she started to shake and sweat. At first I just thought that maybe it's a usual thing that happens most nights but it got worse so I started to panic. Her breath became heavier and she was fidgeting like crazy. At first I was just looking around the house for something to use to help her but then I remembered I could read her mind and find out what was happening.

This was the first night she had a dream since we had met but instead of a nice dream, it was a nightmare.

"Hey Miss Y/l/n, sorry to turn up out of the blue. We have been sent to ask if you would like therapy and help towards your memory loss" a man with a file in his hand said. I was basically a fly on the wall right now, why was this a bad dream?

"I thought me leaving the hospital was a clear enough answer of no but if you really want to try it, sure" y/n rolling her eyes. "Come in"

The therapist walked in and sat down, she sat awkwardly in the chair next to him.

"So, what do you remember?"

"Waking up in the hospital, hearing the nurse talk about how I have no memories and then running here."

"Okay. Do you want to remember your past?"

"Nope"

"Why?"

"Because if everyone I have ever loved has died like the nurse suggested, I don't want to know anything about it. As the doctors said, I should start fresh or whatever"

"If that's what you want, I won't force you to do something else but you seem distant, is everything been okay since you have 'started fresh?'"

I'm not therapist, Im a god, but even I can tell this guy is clearly not professional.

"I feel nothing. I don't remember ever feeling happy or sad. I read up that your supposed have heart ache when you lose so many people or atleast remember your emotions when suffering memory loss but I don't. I might as well keep it that way, from what I have researched , when you lose someone it hurts, breaks you even. And if I can do anything about it, I don't want to feel like that"

"Y/n that isn't healthy, you need to work through it or let new people into your life eventually so you can feel the happiness that everyone feels"

"I feel fine like this. I want to be alone and just get by. This happy and sad bullshit seems like a real amount of effort I'm not willing to put in"

"It seems your pretty convinced, but I would suggest to you that you should try doing activities that could help bring you strong emotions, maybe a fun day trip?"

"I'd really prefer not to." the rest of the nightmare was her kicking out the therapist and staring blankly around her new house but then she woke up.

"Hey, hey! Y/n I'm here"

"Oh...you shouldn't be seeing me all sweaty and like this"

"It's fine. So you do have emotions?" I smirked, satisfied from what I had just seen.

"No, I was just hot and uncomfortable"

"If you say so" I knew she was lying, she wasn't having a nightmare - it was a memory. Memories scared her and now I know her weakness, this is perfect. "Want to indulge our time into some Minecraft?" I asked, she needs to think I'm trying to distract her from her nightmare for her sake but really, I'm just doing it so I'm not bored.

"Uh yeah, sure"

We started playing Minecraft and decided to build our dream houses. Mine was a massive castle made out of gold and emerald, with an extravagant, decorative inside almost like Asgard but more...Loki.

Y/n's was a small cabin-like house with flowers all around the outside. She had spawned several cats and dogs. One of them refused to walk and was supposedly acting moody so she dyed its collar green and called it loki, how dare she think I'm like a moody cat, if anything I would be a moody snake. Except from the cat incident, I half heartedly liked her house , but I still clearly preferred mine as it was more grand and fit for a king.

I made a note in my head that she likes flowers, cats, dogs and not-so-grand houses. I needed to remember these things if I was going to try and make her like me more, which was seemingly getting easier.

After finishing our houses and giving each other tours, y/n wanted to make me learn about films as I told her I had never watched one before she made me watch moxie.

"Oh come on you must've watched at least one"

"Nope"

"Not even dirty dancing? Kingsman? Sherlock Holmes? Or are you a Harry Potter type of guy? Hmm or maybe animated films? You must have watched Sing it was so good!Oh I know! I bet you love the sinister! Or... scary movie, my favourites number 2! Wait I bet it's.....sorry I got carried away"

I had never seen her this way before, and by her face I think she was shocked by herself as well.

"It's okay love, I don't know what any of those things are but I'd be happy to watch them"

"Yeah whatever, I don't care if you'd be happy to watch them, uh um yeah" she was overcompensating now.

For the next two hours she taught me all about the different genres and what happens in each one. Y/n said her favourite was rom-coms which made me believe that a part of the old her before she lost her memories was still there in her subconscious. Although when she did seem to get excited it was great, it wasn't so great when she would realise and turn cold again, each time she would get more distant, building her walk back up higher than before.

I started to learn that really she did have feelings, when she got carried away, she allowed herself to be passionate about films and characters and genres. But what caused me to feel tense was that they were good emotions, and she never felt pain or upset because she couldn't, and I wanted to make sure she would.

We both were laying top and tailing on the sofa. As a god I didn't actually need sleep but y/n did so she was knock out as soon as she put her head on the pillow.