Belonging | Alec Lightwood

(45) Right Choices

I will never understand how she could choose her families reputation over Alec's happiness.

"I am sorry you feel that way Mrs Lightwood, but I won't apologise for choosing my heart and Alec shouldn't have to apologise for choosing his, especially after a lifetime of doing the opposite" I frown, turning my attention away from Maryse's tightly held expression and instead look to Robert.

"Do you know where I could find Lydia?" I ask again, polite and unaffected, and I see Robert smile slightly.

"She's probably packing for Idris in my office" Robert whispers, and I nod thankfully to him, before he walks past me, joining next to Maryse again behind me. Without sparing another glance, I walk from the couple, trying to hold my composure.

I make it to the side corridor that turns left and I stumble down the few steps before I puff out a huge sigh, my hand reaching for the wall, my back following suit as I lean against it. I close my eyes as I anchor myself to the solidity of the satin finish, the bricks beneath the paint, the coldness of the surface, to anything that will ease the ball in my throat.

"I'm guessing that conversation didn't go that well"

My eyes instantly snap open, and shift to the right, where a worried and solemn looking Alec stands, his eyes trained carefully on me. I shake my head no, suddenly feeling a wave of emotions hitting me, so quickly that I'm surprised when I feel the tears pricking at my eyes.

"Hey, hey" Alec whispers beseeching to me. He's before me instantly, both hands at either side of my face as he lifts mine to his own. I spot the fear and worry in the whirls of his eyes, and through the creases in his face as he furrows his brows down at me.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm being an emotional mess" I laugh out hollowly, trying to push back and out from Alec's grip, but he shakes his head, gently forcing me to face him as he tucks the loose stands of my hair behind my ear.

"Don't apologise, my mother's harsh, and she can be cruel and I'm sure whatever she said was crafted specifically to hurt you" Alec mutters, anger convoluting from his words as he watches me, trying to decipher my emotions, though I find it hard to hold his gaze.

"No- she didn't" I start, groaning as my eyes meet his, finally "Do you regret picking me?"

"What?" He asks, his expressions exasperated, his mouth falling into a deep frown.

"Do you regret it? So much has gone wrong now that you have and I don't- I don't want to ruin your life Alec, or your relationship with your mother or your reputation as a Shadowhunter. I'm not worth you losing everything you've ever worked for" I explain, my voice straining, tears welling at my eyes again as I contemplate Maryse's words.

Yes, I gave Alec a choice.

But what if he made the wrong one?

"Look at me, Camilla, please" He pleads, his voice barely above a murmur as he slowly caresses my cheek, his eyes staring at me with such intensity and such emotion, I can almost feel how much this conversation matters.

"All my life I've been following everyone's rules, and never have I ever stopped to consider what I want- until you. You've given me the freedom that I've always wanted, and I've chosen you, because any other path- my mother's path for me, the Clave's path, or even Lydia's path for me, none of those paths would make me nearly as happy or as content as when I'm with you". As the words fall from his lips I feel the tears trickle down my face, my lips curving up at the corners, my chest blossoming with joy.

"So, no I don't regret my choice, because you didn't ruin my life, you saved it" He mutters, a lazy smile on his face as he lifts his right hand from beneath my chin, and softly wipes away the tears on my cheeks with the pad of his thumb, the calloused roughness contradicting against the smoothness of my cheek.