Gardener

Gojuuichi- Cutting ties with a Mother

I was being disowned.

My breath hitched slightly but I didn't flinch. I just listened to her words and how she was explaining them to me. She was telling me how she would stop financially helping me and soon cut off all ties with me. She didn't seem to be happy, judging by the way her lips pulled down into a frown. I knew she had the capability to do it but I didn't think she would do it immediately in the year I had turned 18. For some reason, I wasn't mad nor angry, I felt like maybe this was meant to happen for being a bad child.

My eyes lit up slightly with interest as she told me a way I could still stay in her good graces. It was to enter an Omiai. My eyes dulled at the idea of marriage and being tied down. I don't care who I marry but I didn't need a certificate to love someone. The food arrived and I picked up my utensils delicately before starting to eat while she explained the Omiai. My mind was just shutting down and I have no idea why. I excused myself to the bathroom where I went into a stall and started talking to myself to make myself feel better with the same usual technique.

"When I count to nine, I'm going to clear my mind, when I count again to five. I'm going to go back out and continue talking." I whispered.

Leaving it be, I went back outside once I was done before sitting back down with my mother. Her blunt nature was something I appreciated as she explained to me with an unbothered tone the arranged marriage she wanted me to take. The idea of marrying someone for mutual benefit instead of love was very rare but not too far fetched. I was 18 which was the right age and my mother pointed out that my hard earned body would definitely be a thing the person liked.

The only big downside for the person wanting to enter this marriage was that my face looked unfriendly, I was quite unsociable and quite stupid. I had gotten used to people pointing out my flaws especially my mother when she was still around. She still loved me and she was doing this all for my sake but I just didn't want to enter a marriage with someone who I didn't know. However, when my mom rested her hand on mine and gave me such a sweet smile as she reassured me that I could meet the person and love them. There was one big catch that came out of her mouth though.

"I have no idea where you're studying right now but you'll have to leave." My mother said.

My mother's face looked so kind as she caressed the side of my face, telling me her reassurances. This was for my own good and she would accept me as her child if I did do this. I wanted to be accepted by her and loved by her. I wanted her to give me a smile of kindness and I wanted my father to come back. If it meant giving up a lot to get just one glimpse of a happy family again, I would do it. Her smiles and laughter. I didn't know my mother's grip was tightening on my wrist.

"Will you do it for Okaasan, darling?" My mother asked.

"No." I said.

"What?! I mean, I'm sorry I don't think I heard you right." My mother tried not to seethe.

My mother lowered her tone as she had a death grip on my wrist. Her kind words disappeared as she leaned in closer and pulled on my hair. I winced slightly since she pulled on it with do much force. Her smile was still there as she yanked me close, whispering into my ear those sweet words that she was doing this for my own good and I was still nothing without her. This was all for my own good but I wondered what if she still left again? Her sweet smiled were such a contrast the hand in my hair. She pulled me in close to kiss my forehead. I wonder why I still didn't feel happy.

"Mama loves you, you know? Sometimes you make dumb decisions and mama gets angry. You forgive me right?" My mother soothed.

"Of course, I care for you. I love you so much." I stated.