Honey and Spice | ✔️

Chapter 21

“My dashboard’s just filled with book recommendations and other boring stuff,” I say, embarrassed.

Mae shakes her head sadly. “Man, you’re hella smart but oblivious.” 

“I’m not,” I counter.

“Really? Take Sinclair and Vahn for example, they’re literally a couple.”

“I thought they were just really good friends.”

Then, Mae cackles like a witch as we reach the classroom and take our seats together. I avoid the questionable glances from our classmates.

“Man, I’ve never met anyone so dense!” she says while setting up her desk. She has a specific way of doing it, by order; pencil case on the top left corner, notebook (horizontally) on the top right, and textbook in the middle. She does this every time. I don’t mind, though.

I rest my arms on my desk and bury my head into them, careful not to get my glasses smooshed. I miss being in Ryder’s warm embrace now. I like it when he does the thing where he nuzzles his head in my neck and just leans on my shoulder even though he’s taller than me. It’s very comforting.

“Anyways, welcome to the community, fam,” says Mae as our Geography teacher walks into the class. “I know it’s a little confusing - and maybe scary - at first, but it’s alright. As a queer-and-also-autistic person, I've been in your place before.”

*

I call Cole in the evening. I need to tell someone else about my discovery too. He picks up on the second ring.

“Greetings, smartass!” he says.

“Salutations, slowpoke,” I reply. This is how we usually greet each other.

“What’s the sitch?”

I decide to go straight to the point. “I, uh. . .I like someone.”

“Really? Oh my god, I- I never knew this day would come! Look at my baby bro, so grown up now.” He starts to fake-cry.

“Shut up, Cole. You’re only two years older than me.”

He ignores me as usual. “Come,” he says seriously, “tell me who she is. Is she nice? Is she cute? What’s her name?”

I sigh. Here it goes. “His name is Ryder.”

The silence is unbearable. It takes a long while for him to digest what I’ve just said (hence the nickname). “Oh my god.” He finally breathes. “Holy shit! You’re gay?”

“Um, yeah, I suppose. . . I’m still going to do some research, though.”

“Congrats bro! Oh my god, I’m so goddamn happy for you!”

I smile. “Thanks, uh. . . me too?”

Cole laughs. “Anyway, tell me more about him. How did you two meet?” He gets all serious again.

So I tell him everything. I tell him about Ryder, the project, the library, the bake date and the mall yesterday. I tell him how I felt around Ryder, how the feeling grew bigger and more persistent as the days go, and Cole doesn’t interrupt as I talk (which is, like, unusual for him).

“N, you better keep him. He sounds worthy,” he says as soon as I finish. “And I’m judging by that sole detail - the bake thing - okay? Because, as a straight man, I have to say that’s cute, not gonna lie.”

I laugh. “Okay.”

Then his tone suddenly changes. "The fuck do you want?" he snaps. "What? Mind your own business, dickhead."

"What's wrong?" He rarely curses, unless he’s really ticked off.

Cole sighs. "It's Mateo. He's pissing me off again. Bitch can't stop staring." Then he shouts at someone, "Yeah. I mean you!"

That's Mateo D'Angelo, Cole's longtime rival. He was in Cole’s high school and he somehow ended up being in the same college as him. Cole used to be bullied by Mateo and his henchmen (sometimes pretty badly that he skips school) - calling him names and making fun of his acne, pranking him, leaving nasty things in his locker - but now things are more civil between Cole and Mateo. They’re just snapping at each other.

Oh, and they’re dorm mates, too. But Mateo can’t stand being in the same room as Cole so he’s usually not there, which is good for Cole. (Unfortunately, Mateo seems to be there today.)

“Did you tell mom and dad yet?” Cole returns to me, malice leaving his voice.

“Nope. Should I?”

“I don’t know, N,” Cole says, “maybe when you’re ready? I’m not sure how they’ll take it, though.”

“Oh. . . okay.”

“Listen, N, I gotta go now. All the best, little man!”

“I told you to stop calling me that,” I mutter and he laughs at me dismissively. We say our goodbyes and the line goes dead. I flump down on my bed.

Suddenly a little thought gnaws at my brain: will Ryder like me back?

I sit up immediately, then I bury my head in my hands. Oh man, I don’t think- I mean, he’s way out of my league. He’s tall, good-looking, smart, kind, and brave . . .

I get up and look at myself in the mirror. I’m currently wearing a loose t-shirt that hangs over my drooped shoulders like a tent. I look so small and frail. I touch my messy dark orange hair. It’s such an ugly colour. I look at my eyes behind my glasses, big and ever-changing. I look like I’m perpetually surprised and scared. I look at the freckles that populate my whole body. There’s so much of them that they make my skin look muddy. I look at my body. There’s nothing appealing to it, unlike Ryder’s nice and muscly one. I sit on the floor and bring my knees to my chest, making myself smaller.

I’m not that tall, not that good-looking, not that funny, not that fit. . . I’m just not that.

I feel like crying.

__________________
Yes he is absolutely dense well done ✨

SO,,, NATHAN FINALLY ADMITS HE LIKES RYDER, HUH?? WELL, LET'S SEE HOW THIS ALL TURNS OUT!!!!

So yeah, if yall haven't read the tags, slowburn is included there so please bear with the sheer density of Nathan Adler and the awkward simping of Ryder Dela Cruz thank you. I must yeet away now 🏃‍♂️🤸‍♂️✨

So,,,,, Cole and Mateo huh 👀👀
Guess what I'm thinking of writing a book about them (I'm in the plot brainstorming/random scene writing bit now)
If yall want, I can put up a few sceeenshots of what I've written so far in next week's chapter (IF yall want :D)

Yo I love reading all of yalls comments they make my day 😭❤️
Stay safe✨