Choice's Curse {d.m.}

Choosing Forever

A shard of pain punctured my heart because of the sorrow so audible in Draco's words. "You can be selfish all you want," I assured him, another tearful chuckle bubbling up in my chest. "I'd say you've earned it." Ah, and there was the anger. The terror of seeing him so pale and injured, the horrid smell of burning flesh washed over me again. "What the hell were you thinking, by the way? You could've fucking died, you bloody idiot!" I knew I wasn't really angry at Draco, that I was just scared and tired and my body had been through so much that my emotions seemed more like a tangled ball of yarn.

Silvery gray eyes met my own, and the understanding in them made me nearly start to cry once again. "I'm sorry," Draco told me truthfully, somberly. "I was-"

"Was what? Trying to get yourself fucking killed? Before I even-" Emotion choked me, my throat so thick I couldn't speak because I was sure I'd just burst into sobs. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Draco's eyes clouded, and I saw the answer in his face before he even opened his mouth. "I saw that Snape was about to take a cheap shot at McGonagall, and everyone else had already left. It was either watch her die and leave like a coward or make sure that she made it back. If you ever tell anyone I said this...well, I guess it doesn't matter." Draco let out a huff of air through his nose. "I figured it was better she returned alive than me. Hogwarts needs her, and so do the students."

"And no one needs you?" It wasn't as though I was upset that McGonagall was still alive; quite the opposite. Draco was right, the school did need her, as much- if not more- than it needed Dumbledore. But Draco saying he saved her because she was more needed than he was? I could barely fight through the hot burn of sadness that choked my throat. "People need you."

"Do they? I know what people think of me. I would be stupid to expect that anyone is going to just welcome me with open arms after everything that I've done. I figured if I was going to die, I might as well make my death mean something good, since my life didn't mean anything at all."

My heart splintered, scattering shards of pain across my chest. There was no self-pity in his words, no cry for attention. Like always, Draco was laying out the facts, or at least the things that seemed like facts to him. They weren't facts, though. His life did mean something, and not just to me. Without Draco, Ron, McGonagall, and I would all be dead, but even if he hadn't saved us, his life meant something simply because he was alive. "And so you saved McGonagall because you thought that your life is only worth something if you sacrificed it."

Draco's face hardened, turning back into the Malfoy that I'd known for years for a split second. "Why are you saying it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like I was stupid for thinking so. Ask anyone, Elaine, and they'll agree with me. I have done..." Draco's voice cracked. I'd forgotten just how painful that sound was, how unsettling it was to see him show such rawness. "I've done things that I don't deserve forgiveness for. And I certainly do not deserve forgiveness from you. I haven't done a single thing to warrant that, and you know that. I haven't-"

"Shut up," I interrupted, unable to keep the anger from ripping through. "Just shut up, will you? You don't get to decide if I forgive you or not. And do you know why I've forgiven you?" Draco set his jaw, shaking his head so minutely I almost missed it. He would never ask, but he wanted to hear why, and I was more than willing to tell him. "Because you've changed. Because you used to shudder at the very thought of touching me, and now, you don't even give it a second thought." I held up our intertwined hands, presenting the proof that was right before his eyes. "You used to sneer at me, and now you...you've been there for me more than anyone else this year, even if it wasn't on purpose. You did bad things, yes, but you feel sorry for them, and that, to me, proves that you are different. I've seen you change and grow over the past months in a way that I would never have thought possible, so yes, I forgive you. And you deserve that forgiveness."